A Superhero Post: Chronicles of the Super Players

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A Superhero Post: Chronicles of the Super Players

by sentient6 @ 2007-06-13 – 10:27:51

Is it a bird? What are you blind?

Is it a plane? No it's a fucking elephant.

Is it a bullet? Mmmm... You'll know when it hits you.

Is it me? Is it you? Is it Super-man? Errr... No.

Actually I invite you to an enthralling and invigorating new post that will leave the ladies vibrator's at 200bpm (Let's hope some of you love your Slayer as much as you love some Fast Fuckity Feasting!), and their suction cups sucking the skin off those beautifully shaped bones. No, I am sane. This is the alter ego. Those of you who know will know.

Anyway rest assured you'll all be entertained. Don't try this shit at home. I thought the blog world could use some Tolkien and Dark Comic inspired fantasy... Never losing our panache of merging reality with mythical splendor.

I welcome you to Gotham, SL. Where tapestries of twilight serenade the sullen streets packed with armed personnel and security because of the erupting chaos with the war in the North. Gotham is usually quiet and broods with a hidden sinister darkness shrouding the City, veiled by the population and pollution seeping the very bowels of our beloved City.

Don't worry - I know my music and know it well. There will be no sorry ass R.Kelley or the magnificently over exposed and boring U2 paying tribute to Batman and Robin.

Instead, the soundtrack you must keep in mind while reading this and visualizing this episode and the others in relation to our super hero tale is:

1) Opening with: Artifacts of Black Rain - In Flames

2) Killing Me, Killing You - Sentenced

3) The Prophecies (Fugue in D Minor) - Jag Panzer

4) Seasons in the Abyss - Slayer

5) Painkiller - Judas Priest

6) Scavenger of Human Sorrow - Death

7) Insects - Spiral Architect

8) Never Purify - Nevermore

9) Return to Serenity - Testament

10) The Grudge - Tool

11) Sabbath, Bloody, Sabbath - Black Sabbath

12) The Perfect Drug - NIN

13) The 4 Seasons - Antonio Vivaldi

14) Here, There and Everywhere - The Beatles

15) Children of the Damned - Iron Maiden

16) My Way - Frank Sinatra feat: Lemmy of Motorhead, Angus Young of ACDC and Steven Tyler doing all the singing while Sinatra dances in a Durian outfit.

Everything is silent, with an uneasiness creeping deep like a river flowing over the channels of the dead. Towers of industrial giants rise up like needles piercing the pallid grey skyline of Colombo. Gotham is sordid and melancholy. It seems all hope has but withered away, and as the twilight descends upon its festering streets two cloaked figures crouch and wait in the shadows. They are not discernible for the untrained eye, as they wait motionless, ready to prance and pounce. It is indeed Wonder Woman and her faithful super pixie Lulu: two of Gotham’s most dreaded anti-heroes. Wonder Woman is draped in bright yellow and black latex with a whip in hand and lulu in pink pvc with a small Anglo/Saxon Viking Helmet and a flog.

A Tri-shaw (three wheel cab: popular mode of transport in Asian countries) turns into a narrow road and stops and the driver and a passenger get out of the vehicle into the cold caress of a hollowed night. Within seconds the two individuals are attacked ruthlessly by Wonder Woman and Lulu who knock their teeth out, slit their throats and shove ice palam (popsicles) sticks in their eye sockets, ere an old drunkard stumbles upon the corpses, rolls over them and falls, kicks them around screaming ‘Numbe Ammata! Kari Pakayoooo…’ (Swearing in Sinhala)till he realizes that he is shouting at two carcasses.

The shrieks of the drunk old man echo throughout the night. Wonder Woman and Lulu make their escape.

At the 891 Bat Sanctuary - Batman in his faithful red shorts rocks on a chair, while Robin in his bright orange spandex shorts takes a millennia to break some magic herb into the herb box. The bong sitting; majestic and half tattered (as if after being subject to a Tsunami) – waiting in all its grandeur to be utilized.

Batman is bored hearing about ‘Poison’ by Robin and how lovely their make up and spandex looks and switches on the Poison Godmachine (the TV). Suddenly a somewhat appeasing lady is reading news from what seems to be a violent crime scene.

‘Fuck Me’ says Batman

‘Fuck You’ says the gay and merry Robin

‘That’s just opposite our bloody road mate’

‘I know’ says Robin ‘Machang, must have happened when we were listening to that Decapitated album you put. Heavy shit ah…’

They watch as journalist super-sleuth Sado Kookoo mentions that two popular drug dealers Anthony Kalukumaraya and Ganja Gerald have been slain on Velvet Road (serial killer style), close to Mailgus Handiya (that’s Mayeel-Gus-Handiya) right opposite the Bat Sanctuary.

For a brief moment both Batman and Robin secretly fantasize about strapping the journalist onto their Bat Torture Machine (Painkiller plays in the background) and lots of sweaty, nasty things when reality dawns on the dynamic duo.

‘There goes our bloody herb supply for another two weeks’ snarls Robin and Batman shakes his head in bewilderment.

‘Why would anyone take out Ganja Gerald? He was such a promising chap men…’

Then Sado Kookoo goes on to convey that the City is in panic and fear and this is the 3rd murder in 3 weeks. She mentions that she was the first to hit the crime scene as she was passing by on her way to work and couldn’t resist not covering the story.

‘Now what an eye witness had to say… We have Mrs.Madusa Diarrhea.’

A short lady with brightly colored hair, looking somewhat orc-like while spilling well dramatized tears (and drool all over her face) says ‘It…was…so…terrible. That Wheeler turned into the road and the driver and passenger got off and were having a chat when two cloaked figures took them by surprise and k-k-k-killed them both.’

‘Were the two drivers known to you?’ asks Sado.

‘No…’

‘Then why are you crying?’

Madusa stares at the camera, wipes another tear and then says ‘My first time on TV, I want to be remembered for it no.’

‘Alright then.’ Sado pushes Madusa who crashes into some bushes a few feet away. ‘Two cloaked figures she said. What everyone pressingly wants to know is why Batman and Robin are going on a psychotic rampage murdering drug dealers and petty criminals and leaving them on the streets? Is this the example they will set for young, up and coming super heroes?’

Robin stares with his mouth wide open before uttering a high register squeak ‘What? WHAT?!?’ and Batman clenches his fist.
‘That bloody old bat said nothing about Batman and Robin did she? Why is this journalist girl pinning the crimes on us?’ Robin asks.

‘It’s simple, my friend. Why does a dick chase after a pussy? Why do rabbits breed like crazy? Why does a boat float on water? Why do most rappers act as if they are retarded? Why do a pack of hounds draw near a bitch in heat? Why does Joe Peris do what he does when he’s drunk? Who is Joe Peris… I don’t know. Why do people watch Britney Spears when the sound that spews forth is like the sound of a camel orgy?’

Batman and Robin stare at each other, whispering rings of grey neon smoke floating like little ghosts and specters around the room.

Batman continues ‘Because, we are being set up man.’

‘That’s why all the murders have been planned and executed around our area.’

Robin springs up! ‘Today’s murder is right opposite our place and the witness claimed to see two cloaked figures. This is brilliant. But who would devise such a plan? Iraj? Franky G?’

‘No. This is someone far more malignant and treacherous. But who could it be?’

‘And imagine, with our track record of being two stoned and reaching the previous two crime scenes late…’

‘This has to be someone who is closer to us than we think.’

They both stare at the TV as Sado Kookoo continues ‘What is going on in Gotham? Who will hear our prayers? Who will stand up for justice? When will the dynamic duo leave more death in their wake? I am Sado Kookoo for Fox “Conniving” News.’ A mischievous smile wreathes on her face before she fades from the screen.

‘Well what the Hell are we waiting for you bugger?’ Robin is eager to kick some sweet villain butt with a broad smile on his face.

‘Looks like it’s time to show these poseurs what we are really made of’ Batman hisses and pulls out his cape and neo-contemporary military leather pants. Deep in his thoughts he feels something isn’t right about that journalist. The fact that she’s attractive in a twisted kind of way is irrelevant.

‘Let’s go’ Batman says ready to rush into the outside realm, the City nestling harsh reality, bedlam and fear.

‘Ado wait… Let’s have a Bong before we go.’ And the dynamic duo indulges in more herb consumption and prepares to show the City of Gotham that justice will be served…
With smoke rings and a powerful & vulgar display of impartiality and righteousness.

To be continued…
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4 Comments to A Superhero Post: Chronicles of the Super Players

- Shanjei (Visitor)
- 2007-06-13 @ 11:01:26
Keep writing! great idea. Metaphor is the game. LOL
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- Batwoman (Visitor)
- 2007-06-14 @ 07:46:39
Now, why would someone who claims to know his music well take Spiral Architect seriously? They make an ostentatious attempt at twelve-tone music, but a poor one. The bands that use these techniques well will most likely never mention/make it bleeding obvious that they are using it, and thus you will most likely not find out if they are indeed using it, unless you have studied it in depth or are somehow able to obtain transcriptions of songs. I guess the moral of the story is that bands like that are probably using it for the wrong reasons, mainly desire for attention from the music industry for making such 'complex' music. This boosts sales from the teenage musician crowd that wants a popular music alternative to music that requires little skill to conceive or play, but doesn't really know to differentiate the good from the bad. It could be the shittiest music in the world, but the instant someone thinks it sounds 'hard to play' or twelve-tone, it becomes legitimate. This reminds me of Dream Theater. Their songs suck, but hey, they can play in 11/4! WHOA!!
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- sentient6
- http://-
- 2007-06-15 @ 07:37:47
Light of the fact my dear Batwoman is that 'Spiral Architect' like 'Dream Theater' possibly 'float' above your head. You speak in musical dialect but fail to identify the temperaments, intricate shades, nuances, captivating breakdowns, time changes and paradigm shifts within a song. The music is deemed 'complex' if you view it as such...In reality the music is conceived to the themes and moods the artiste wishes to evoke in a listener - something you may not whole heartedly grasp because -

A) The very fact that you say Dream Theater's songs suck means you have not heard their entire catalogue. I strongly advice you to pick up 'Images and Words' and 'Awake'.

If you have and still claim they can't write a decent, memorable song - then it is because you'd prefer a more mediocre supplement of musical artistry - go back and finger yourself to your cold play records.

C) If you know anything about Jethro Tull, Rainbow, Kansas, Rush, Yes and Pink Floyd, to the later Progressive upsurgence of bands like early Metallica, Iron Maiden, Mercyful Fate, Megadeth, Queensryche, Fates Warning and now Nevermore, Dream Theater, Evergrey, Anathema, Porcupine Tree, Opeth and Spiral Architect then your comments are justified. If you know nothing of Prog or Psychedelic music please direct your hypocritic evaluations elsewhere, where people will love to hear your take on why people actually delve and embrace 'unconventional' music.

D) With regard to your comment that the music industry is congested with Rock Fans who are 'teenage musician crowds' (A sad misconception) and the fact that they embrace something which is 'hard to play' just so they could differentiate & sever themselves from the wider 'trend' is rubbish. On the contrary many who love Prog love its pompesity, grandeur and clever lyrical play... And it isn't really 'hard to play' as you have digested and depicted. Those who deem it 'hard to play' wouldn't like it in the first place, 'cos they wouldn't understand it.

E) Spiral Architect and Dream Theater aren't bands for everyone, they've never claimed to be either. They make music for those who like their music challenging and unpredictable, in fact DT have quite a number of tracks 'Pull me Under', 'Under a Glass Moon' etc that are rather accessible. They make music for the thinking 'man' and 'woman'. Not your mug of hash coffee? Oh Poooooo.

Finally... With regard to Prog bands... Either you get them or you don't...

And you obviously don't.

Just because you know a bit of theory and can converse with a few musical terms hardly means you know two shits of what you are talking about.

You are entitled to your own opinion. Keep it to yourself.

This is a Metal Blog. Lest you think this is a satirical alcove for idiosyncratic poseurs and sycophants.

It's not.

Oh...Pretty much everyone who visits this blog digs DT and SA.

\m/
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- Batwoman (Visitor)
- 2007-07-12 @ 08:46:42
I wouldn't listen to any of that crap because it has no underlying ideal...no profound beauty. Once again, it's just music for kids to think they're awefully smart because they're listening to 'progressive' music. It's actually you who's judging the music at face value, because you refuse to dissect the music and see it for what it really is- hollow, empty, a marketing gimmick aimed at the clueless. Kids all 'round the world 'dig' bands like DT, Necrophagist, SA, etc. until they realise (if they ever do) how stupid the music really is, or get bored because they never really 'got it' in the first place, apart from trying to look different.

Metal is not about hiding your opinion from the less intelligent (or keeping it to yourself), and tolerating crap like this only opens the doors for more musicians to make more crap - think about it, isn't it the duty of any concerned metal fan to promote the best, and not the pretentious?

It's amusing in your rant you haven't even mentioned many 'progressive metal' bands that actually created something new, something timeless. All you've mentioned are poseurs, imitators, and corporate whores. There's not need to teach me about not 'understanding' it, when it's pretty obvious that you're the one who actually doesn't 'understand' it. Remember, technicality (when executed properly) is still just a means to an end, not an end in itself. It's that end that bands like DT, SA, and many others you've mentioned will never reach. Real progressive metal is a middle finger to those bands you guys down in Sri Lanka seem to be listening to.

Why are you afraid to learn?
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