Ladies, Ladies, Ladies; the few that are fair and far away…

I am depressed. This doesn’t happen often. Just an emotive eclipse that occurs once or twice every year. So what? A Metal Head I am, but I still feel and hate to feel what many others (unfortunately) feel. Obviously my dear muse is having a field day with me.

‘No, no, no… No whipping and flogging today woman, just do your hovering thing k?’

So I’ve been writing a LOT lately. I’ve nailed about 7 chapters of my book. It’s shaping up nicely, and the way it’s going I am almost certain (being the center of most people’s antagonist intent anyway) that it will probably be banned and I would be ostracized after it’s launched. Never quite written a book before, but its fun. You see when you’re a reputed Heavy Metal Artiste, when you do 2 or 3 corporate jobs, when you destroy perfectly fine open relationships and haven’t been paid yet for most of the work… The book is a wonderful escape. Thing is when I write, I fire on all cylinders (you know me and my love for innuendos by now babies!), and I’ve been writing a LOT of stuff lately. Lyrics, poems… And chances are most of these will never see the light of day. I write pretty fast, and because I have constant mood changes I can write about 2-3 different things at the same time, you know keep the pages minimized and be inspired by something totally outrageous and then I’ll get horny and pen down something dark and malevolent about sex, and suddenly hear on the news about a local abduction or more political chaos and want to write what I feel about that… Now Girls… Don’t think I am weird.

Ha. Go ahead. It’s what makes me different.

Where does the charm emanate from? Your guess is as good as mine.

Back to me book. It deals with a lot of torture, murder, relationships, fate, reality, intrigue and the damned thing wouldn’t be complete if it didn’t have a dam bursting chapter dedicated to sex. Yep… An entire chapter on a very interesting sexual encounter. Is it biographical you ask? What, are my lovely jewels made of brass? What do you think?

So, I am lost in a fascinating vortex/world of analysis of dissecting memories from my mind. Bloody pictures and photographs from yesteryear that frankly I could do without. Then there’s always the scenario that I have a perfect (legitimate) opportunity, and a few ‘invitations’ to engage in some mass sexual scandals.

Oh Fuck Me. Me, Myself and My indignities.

I am in a place right now – that isn’t very nice. Meaning, I like the live and let live/die concept. It works well… I mind my own business and you mind yours… Cum to me… Sorry… Come to me if you need anything. I am just what the doctor ordered. Don’t listen to me, take a look for yourselves.

You wanna have an intelligent conversation? ‘I can do that’

You want to just go for a walk and tell me how fucked up your day was? ‘I can do that’

You want to grab a Scorsese or a Francis Ford Flick and cuddle and watch it while I massage your tits? ‘I can do that’

Your angry and pissed off, you’d like to smoke up and unwind? ‘I can do that’

You’d like to go book hunting and spend hours going through what’s new? ‘I can do that’

You’re horny and you want something different, challenging and very immoral things done to you? ‘I can do that’

You’d like to bitch about everyone who’s added insult to your daily injury? ‘I can do that’

You want to break down, let me lick your wounds and collect your tears in both my hands? ‘I can do that’

You want to go watch the latest play, musical or gig by the philharmonic orchestra? ‘I can do that’

You need a ride back home and would like some company? ‘I can do that’

You wanna go to a nice, quiet restaurant and drink wine, glut out on pork ribs or sea food and just listen to me ranting on about utter nonsense? (Once I get paid) ‘I can do that’

You need help with some work, you need some advice or some urgent creative stuff to be done? ‘I can do that’

You want to dig your finger nails into my flesh and see how I react? ‘I can do that’

You’d like to take a shower together and then have me massaging your entire body with fragrant oils? ‘I can do that’

You want to use me as a proverbial sex toy? (Just have some class eh?) ‘I can do that’

You’d like to just get high and just jump into a cemetery in the dead end of night? ‘I can do that’

You want to tell me your most faceless secrets and need me to promise you that it’s just between the two of us? ‘I can do that’

You’re at work, you’re monthly friend’s visited you and you need pads? (If time and work permits) ‘I can do that’

You miss being kissed; not just having your lip sucked on and your tongue almost ripped out of your skull… You want to know what it feels like to have your first immaculate kiss where time will stop and you can just close your eyes and be taken to Heaven? ‘I can do that’

You wanna take a rollercoaster to hell? ‘I can do that’

BUT…

You want me to give it all up, and have just ONE of you in the name of platonic madness, and make you the center of my universe?

‘I won’t do that.’

You want me to be there, but can’t be honest with me?

‘I won’t do that.’

You want me to sacrifice my music which is my life, and prioritize you over the Band?

‘I won’t do that.’

You want a serious relationship?

‘No... I won’t do that.’

•Sorry for the Meat Loaf nostalgia – sleepwalker is totally to blame for that.