Ah... the scent of great things to come.
We my dear blogsters, friends, subs and eccentrics are relocating to a new
place tomorrow which is Tuesday the 20th Oct... We've actually been here for 2 years
and had some incredible experiences.
The most important thing is that this place helped us separate the fiction from reality,
it helped us sort and organize ourselves with a lot of pain, struggle and hard work. The Band
was able to swing back on track - though not completely - what with line up changes, industry
politics and drama and circumstances that were not carved by our hands alone.
I was talking to Andrew day before yesterday and was telling him how it was time to shed
our skin regarding somethings... Granted; a personal analysis is never an easy thing to do
for the simple fact that it's always easier to point the finger and criticize others than to look inwards and see the ugliness within. And he agreed. There are a lot of things that have affected us in these past 2 years but compared to what we've accomplished, all the things we still have to achieve and what we've learned along the way those things are trivial stuff. Nothing to split hairs over.
I admit that I couldn't come to grips with change... that things change, trends change and that people change along with the background scenery because its their way of adapting in order to be accepted and acknowledged as relevant entities in a scene... as part of a movement. I look back at it now and feel like an ape whose shit had turned to concrete. Seriously...
Live and let live people say... Live and let die people say... Except its never really that easy. Because you trace back that bleeding memory back to the days when things were different... and obviously things cannot always be the same. Popularity shifts, preferences evolve or devolve and zebra's don't really change their stripes completely at the end of the day.
I wish everyone from our click of old; true friends, the genuine guys, the chameleons, mosquitoes, parasites, the funny guys, opportunists and tag-alongs a very pleasant and tripped out ride to kingdom come and bid them well...
Truth is some of us felt we were misunderstood, left to carry a majority of burdens that were never ours in the first place and felt left out to a certain degree. Now that's the truth and it don't hurt so bad, but it tickles a little if you catch my drift.
But we've been very close knit, unsocial and fairly backward and it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong because these things metamorphose frequently from person to person. I enjoy smoking pot; not continuously and recklessly like we used to at the old hub 89/1... more controlled and helps us focus on things that need focusing. But for every bong shot that we feel redeemed one of you may find the very notion of intoxicating oneself with marijuana repulsive.
The eye of the beholder as they say...
We realized after many years that we were stagnant; not musically per say but as individuals, as people... we were starting to take this good life for granted and
it's our baby wholesale... 'cos you can't progress when your standing in the same place
everyday.
It's true we were surrounded by many people who had nothing but adulation and praise for us... and it's also a known fact that since Stigmata kicked out of the womb and breathed its first share of air and life that we've ALWAYS had people who flock into our circle, spend a few years, learn, live, advocate adulation and praise then think we are not worth their time, experience things and then move on.
And at the end of the day we felt responsible, we've been concerned and what was mostly foolish was expecting others to view things the way we do. That's impossible. I am not an easy person to be with for long periods; I am prolifically moody, I more often than not prefer isolation over company and I pick my friends and acquaintances very carefully.
Finding friends to me isn't like plunging into the stock market.
The guys I trust my life to are those I've known and associated for many years. We've been through considerable ups and downs, in-betweens, good and horrible times but we've shared it together and stood by each other no matter what. And I value loyalty.
I will not associate people who say one thing and do another. That's MY personal choice. I do not care to use people for their money, influence, capacity or status. Those things have been and will always be immaterial to me.
I believe in things like Love, Faith, Hope, Justice, Compassion, Great Sex, Sincerity, Passion... those are things that peel the decaying flesh off the fractured bones... the white
in my abstract black.
For example I wouldn't hang out with someone who thinks ill of Tenny, Andrew, Charlie or anyone in our pack of noble wolves and sheep - anyone who's very close to me. And I know I can expect the same from these guys. Is it fair to have similar expectations from everyone I am close to? No. But I am human too.
And my failure is that I expect that same sense of loyalty to surpass every trend, culture shock and flavor of the second norm that society cultivates and harvests.
Then I think back 10 years ago... perhaps more... surrounded and isolated in College because of my passion and loyalty to Metal and Rock 'n Roll. How I survived the worst years of my life: losing my father, losing my home, forced to pull out of university because I needed to start work to earn in order to survive, the loss of love... true love... I am who and what I am today because of Rock 'n Roll. I will not turn my back on my music, my friends or my family.
I've fucked up in the last 2 years. But I've also realized that you can't move ahead if you can't take a hit or two, if you're not prepared to take the bad with the good and make sacrifices... big ones.
We sacrificed opportunities to have a good time, to experience new drugs, new wonders and new worlds... If we hadn't I know that we would be the same people we were 2 years ago. Directionless, goals equivalent to castles forged in the sky but always unreachable and the slow decomposition of morality, discipline and structure without which we would never have solidarity in our future.
The sacrifice came at a price. We miss many who were a part of the ring at 89/1 and yes, perhaps we indulged in too much melodramatic nonsense to do the right thing the wrong way.
We have a Band that's working harder than we've ever worked before. We are the axis of a lot of people's apathy and hatred but we're pushing and shoving fate, time and consequence to finally fulfill our objectives. We are celebrating 10 years next year. We've gained many and lost many.
891; our creative agency is doing remarkably well for a new company. We're handling some big work for some big clients... everything we earn helps us survive and pay all the bills, and it's given us perspective that we are able to accomplish almost anything we set our minds and psyches to. Every week we have to make at least 3 or 4 presentations to some big clients and that's the start. We are building a strong working relationship with our clients and proving to them that NO ONE can touch us in terms of innovative advertising/marketing and event solutions.
I sound like a fucking hit advert don't I?
Our personal lives are better organized... not exactly where we want it to be... but getting there. We have more time to ourselves now; I am currently reading 4 books at the same time. We have time to actually watch a DVD or spend some quiet time jamming to an acoustic axe singing old 'Def Leppard, Aerosmith, Van Halen and Bonjovi tunes' and we can actually hear each other talk now.
In life we can't always move in one direction. Some will move forward, some back and many love exactly where they are and will not budge an inch. Neither of those are wrong or right... just boils down to choice.
If my blog could talk it would remind you all of some pretty nasty things I've said and done in the last few years, even to people I love.
And I mean to change that. I cannot be what I am not... and guys I am not a lover of DJ music, I don't care for LSD and crave for it - when I do try it out it will be with those I care about the most and trust infinitely - and I can't pretend to move around with people who mean nothing to me.
And it ain't my business to be affected by those who do enjoy and live for these things.
That's the truth again. Pale as a sweet winter's caress.
Much love to all of you who deserve it...
And much love to all of you who loathe me as well...
We are relocating to a cosy place; single storied, garden and stuff which is great for Poofus, Corny and Michi, two bedrooms (one has partially being converted to a bedroom/rehearsal room), big classy hall, funky kitchen, another vacant area leading to what must be one of the best loo's I've laid eyes on (and trust me, I've knocked many a serial maiden in quite a few loos) and the best part is... it's easy on the wallet, reasonable and it's 10-15 minutes from here so clients won't find it too tedious finding the place. We've got a bird sanctuary with exotic and rare birds in the back of the place - directly behind the current rehearsal room and a factory on the right hand side which makes practices a pleasure... no one's gonna be bothered much by the sounds... other than those birds. They went berserk the first few days now I bet you anything all the African Macaws will be chanting the opening riff to Spiral Coma pretty soon. Ok... maybe not Spiral... Let's settle for Andura first shall we?
So I'll let you guys know how the moving is going...
I will miss this place. I've grown fairly accustomed to this place but then when you have to move ahead and make certain decisions that will benefit the Band, the Agency and our Personal Well Being sacrifices have to be made.
There is no other way.
Or... there may be... But it's not our way.
And we do things Our Way.
S
