Your Suite Little Secrets

In the Silence of Obedience - Poetry

2009-11-11T18:11:39+01:00

Creation spreads its wings
Humanity captures and cages it
Shadows in a mirror
Society’s brittle nests on fire; enrages

Burn them down
To the ground

In the silence of obedience
Hosts and parasites
Parasites and hosts
Flesh of the flesh – rotting bones and decaying souls

Crumbling depths of reason
Shattered truth of purpose
Learn to kill and let live
God made man and man made self destruction

Is technology our new disease?
Draining us of feel and thought?
Is money the bane of man?
The wretched hand that plagues us all

We burn our witches
Crucify our saviors
We tear down our temples
Persecute the weak

Burn them down
To the ground
Burn them all
To ashes and crimson rivers

Good versus evil
But who is the wolf and who is the sheep?
Who is the righteous and who is truly free from sin?
Who is the virtuous and who is vane enough to believe that humanity wants to be saved?

Suresh 11/11/09

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The Joke was on Who Exactly???

2009-11-04T07:19:54+01:00

It is seldom that I make references to another's blog or verbal alcove... And so much has been going on in the past few weeks; great things and really terrible things that for once my muse has abandoned me and left me perplexed, frustrated and very angry.

The Killing Joke was our tribute to organizing a great Halloween gig on Friday the 30th October 2009 with three bands that walk the walk and talk the talk and actually have more shit than gas & fart.

The highlight of my past few weeks was that gig, because there was an even bigger (in terms of commercial viability and promotions) gig with Civilization One performing back here who are a reputed Power Metal Band from Europe, the next day. We plan our gigs two or three months before and after carrying out our teaser campaign learned that these guys were coming down to perform at the TNL onstage finals which ironically was on the 31st Saturday the same day as our gig.

Although we had commenced our promotions prior to TNL we didn't think it right to challenge and test our following to let both gigs clash and so we went about changing the venue; we replaced the Punchi Theater with the prestigious British School Auditorium and had to go about changing the date, and shifting things.

So we had the decency to shift it a day before because frankly there's no point having a Halloween gig the week after Halloween... and we couldn't have it the weekend before due to certain other commitments the Bands had all made.

Then came the worrying, the concerns... 'Suresh, do you think people will actually turn up for this gig? With onstage the next day? Can they afford it?'

To which I would say 'Well how much do people spend on ciggies, grass and alcohol on a weekly basis? If they really want to... they will. Besides the loyal ones will never miss a gig.'

And I was proved correct.

We had a good turn up at our concert... it would have been more if the other event was not the next day... The gig was awesome... and for the first time in our 9 year career we adorned make-up (I'll post some visuals in a few days) and went gung-ho with the decor and worked hard to give the audience a Halloween experience.We played a new killer tune 'PuRer' and even jammed 'Sabbath, Bloody, Sabbath' as our Halloween single.

Much respect to Fuz MechanX and Grey Mind Domain who were amazing to work with... and they displayed remarkable skill and performed their guts out... The same for my Band Mates... incredible gig... Had a blast after a long while.

What made the gig special was that we were able to see the TRUE believers from those who weren't... We were able to see that there are people loyal enough, who love our music and the lot of us enough to make it for the gig with all their woes, financial difficulties and problems on a Friday evening. Every single one who had turned up - whether it be fans from our Hollow Dreams era or those who loved 'SCS' or others with qualms and doubts itching to see what the fuss was about... main thing is you made it. THANK YOU.

The Killing Joke was special because we got to celebrate Tenny's birthday with our REAL family. Thank you... Everyone who helped out, everyone who killed themselves in the weeks that proceeded the gig to ensure everything from the decor to the sounds, lights and security were in order. Everyone in the pit, everyone outside the pit watching the gig... the representatives at the venue, the crew... fantastic job.

I mean it when I say our LOVE for you is not feigned.

You make us what and who we are.

And that's saying a lot.

Please find a complete mind blowing review of the event by a lady who attended a Stigmata concert after a very long time. This is her perspective on the Band and the gig...

http://themissingsandwich.wordpress.com/2009/11/03/the-killing-joke-who-had-the-last-laugh/#respond

Please check it out... I was so moved I thought I should make a reference to her blog and
link it mainly because it is such an honest depiction... and honest depictions are rare in this industry.

You will hear from me soon... I will enlighten you on why I am ticked off... Not gonna waste blog space on music industry politics... And for the record... The Joke was on all the losers who didn't turn up.

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Our Way

2009-10-19T04:56:06+02:00

Ah... the scent of great things to come.

We my dear blogsters, friends, subs and eccentrics are relocating to a new
place tomorrow which is Tuesday the 20th Oct... We've actually been here for 2 years
and had some incredible experiences.

The most important thing is that this place helped us separate the fiction from reality,
it helped us sort and organize ourselves with a lot of pain, struggle and hard work. The Band
was able to swing back on track - though not completely - what with line up changes, industry
politics and drama and circumstances that were not carved by our hands alone.

I was talking to Andrew day before yesterday and was telling him how it was time to shed
our skin regarding somethings... Granted; a personal analysis is never an easy thing to do
for the simple fact that it's always easier to point the finger and criticize others than to look inwards and see the ugliness within. And he agreed. There are a lot of things that have affected us in these past 2 years but compared to what we've accomplished, all the things we still have to achieve and what we've learned along the way those things are trivial stuff. Nothing to split hairs over.

I admit that I couldn't come to grips with change... that things change, trends change and that people change along with the background scenery because its their way of adapting in order to be accepted and acknowledged as relevant entities in a scene... as part of a movement. I look back at it now and feel like an ape whose shit had turned to concrete. Seriously...

Live and let live people say... Live and let die people say... Except its never really that easy. Because you trace back that bleeding memory back to the days when things were different... and obviously things cannot always be the same. Popularity shifts, preferences evolve or devolve and zebra's don't really change their stripes completely at the end of the day.

I wish everyone from our click of old; true friends, the genuine guys, the chameleons, mosquitoes, parasites, the funny guys, opportunists and tag-alongs a very pleasant and tripped out ride to kingdom come and bid them well...

Truth is some of us felt we were misunderstood, left to carry a majority of burdens that were never ours in the first place and felt left out to a certain degree. Now that's the truth and it don't hurt so bad, but it tickles a little if you catch my drift.

But we've been very close knit, unsocial and fairly backward and it doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong because these things metamorphose frequently from person to person. I enjoy smoking pot; not continuously and recklessly like we used to at the old hub 89/1... more controlled and helps us focus on things that need focusing. But for every bong shot that we feel redeemed one of you may find the very notion of intoxicating oneself with marijuana repulsive.

The eye of the beholder as they say...

We realized after many years that we were stagnant; not musically per say but as individuals, as people... we were starting to take this good life for granted and
it's our baby wholesale... 'cos you can't progress when your standing in the same place
everyday.

It's true we were surrounded by many people who had nothing but adulation and praise for us... and it's also a known fact that since Stigmata kicked out of the womb and breathed its first share of air and life that we've ALWAYS had people who flock into our circle, spend a few years, learn, live, advocate adulation and praise then think we are not worth their time, experience things and then move on.

And at the end of the day we felt responsible, we've been concerned and what was mostly foolish was expecting others to view things the way we do. That's impossible. I am not an easy person to be with for long periods; I am prolifically moody, I more often than not prefer isolation over company and I pick my friends and acquaintances very carefully.

Finding friends to me isn't like plunging into the stock market.

The guys I trust my life to are those I've known and associated for many years. We've been through considerable ups and downs, in-betweens, good and horrible times but we've shared it together and stood by each other no matter what. And I value loyalty.

I will not associate people who say one thing and do another. That's MY personal choice. I do not care to use people for their money, influence, capacity or status. Those things have been and will always be immaterial to me.

I believe in things like Love, Faith, Hope, Justice, Compassion, Great Sex, Sincerity, Passion... those are things that peel the decaying flesh off the fractured bones... the white
in my abstract black.

For example I wouldn't hang out with someone who thinks ill of Tenny, Andrew, Charlie or anyone in our pack of noble wolves and sheep - anyone who's very close to me. And I know I can expect the same from these guys. Is it fair to have similar expectations from everyone I am close to? No. But I am human too.

And my failure is that I expect that same sense of loyalty to surpass every trend, culture shock and flavor of the second norm that society cultivates and harvests.

Then I think back 10 years ago... perhaps more... surrounded and isolated in College because of my passion and loyalty to Metal and Rock 'n Roll. How I survived the worst years of my life: losing my father, losing my home, forced to pull out of university because I needed to start work to earn in order to survive, the loss of love... true love... I am who and what I am today because of Rock 'n Roll. I will not turn my back on my music, my friends or my family.

I've fucked up in the last 2 years. But I've also realized that you can't move ahead if you can't take a hit or two, if you're not prepared to take the bad with the good and make sacrifices... big ones.

We sacrificed opportunities to have a good time, to experience new drugs, new wonders and new worlds... If we hadn't I know that we would be the same people we were 2 years ago. Directionless, goals equivalent to castles forged in the sky but always unreachable and the slow decomposition of morality, discipline and structure without which we would never have solidarity in our future.

The sacrifice came at a price. We miss many who were a part of the ring at 89/1 and yes, perhaps we indulged in too much melodramatic nonsense to do the right thing the wrong way.

We have a Band that's working harder than we've ever worked before. We are the axis of a lot of people's apathy and hatred but we're pushing and shoving fate, time and consequence to finally fulfill our objectives. We are celebrating 10 years next year. We've gained many and lost many.

891; our creative agency is doing remarkably well for a new company. We're handling some big work for some big clients... everything we earn helps us survive and pay all the bills, and it's given us perspective that we are able to accomplish almost anything we set our minds and psyches to. Every week we have to make at least 3 or 4 presentations to some big clients and that's the start. We are building a strong working relationship with our clients and proving to them that NO ONE can touch us in terms of innovative advertising/marketing and event solutions.

I sound like a fucking hit advert don't I?

Our personal lives are better organized... not exactly where we want it to be... but getting there. We have more time to ourselves now; I am currently reading 4 books at the same time. We have time to actually watch a DVD or spend some quiet time jamming to an acoustic axe singing old 'Def Leppard, Aerosmith, Van Halen and Bonjovi tunes' and we can actually hear each other talk now.

In life we can't always move in one direction. Some will move forward, some back and many love exactly where they are and will not budge an inch. Neither of those are wrong or right... just boils down to choice.

If my blog could talk it would remind you all of some pretty nasty things I've said and done in the last few years, even to people I love.

And I mean to change that. I cannot be what I am not... and guys I am not a lover of DJ music, I don't care for LSD and crave for it - when I do try it out it will be with those I care about the most and trust infinitely - and I can't pretend to move around with people who mean nothing to me.

And it ain't my business to be affected by those who do enjoy and live for these things.

That's the truth again. Pale as a sweet winter's caress.

Much love to all of you who deserve it...
And much love to all of you who loathe me as well...

We are relocating to a cosy place; single storied, garden and stuff which is great for Poofus, Corny and Michi, two bedrooms (one has partially being converted to a bedroom/rehearsal room), big classy hall, funky kitchen, another vacant area leading to what must be one of the best loo's I've laid eyes on (and trust me, I've knocked many a serial maiden in quite a few loos) and the best part is... it's easy on the wallet, reasonable and it's 10-15 minutes from here so clients won't find it too tedious finding the place. We've got a bird sanctuary with exotic and rare birds in the back of the place - directly behind the current rehearsal room and a factory on the right hand side which makes practices a pleasure... no one's gonna be bothered much by the sounds... other than those birds. They went berserk the first few days now I bet you anything all the African Macaws will be chanting the opening riff to Spiral Coma pretty soon. Ok... maybe not Spiral... Let's settle for Andura first shall we?

So I'll let you guys know how the moving is going...

I will miss this place. I've grown fairly accustomed to this place but then when you have to move ahead and make certain decisions that will benefit the Band, the Agency and our Personal Well Being sacrifices have to be made.

There is no other way.

Or... there may be... But it's not our way.

And we do things Our Way.

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A Halloween Gig & the Return of THE Jedi

2009-10-13T18:30:49+02:00

Alright.

I feel like an overjoyed ass.

It's a rare combo. But it is what it is and you may call a rabbit a mongoose, BUT
it is what it is.

The wonderful creature that I blogged about after giving it considerable artistic
enterprise and emotional errrm opportunity has returned back to SL.

She left last Sunday and arrived yesterday which made it roughly just a week.
And one would think all this bloody drama wouldn't have been out of place or out
of context in an episode of Orange County.

Well like I said, I am stoked, fairly shocked and now potentially revived.

She's sorted her shit out she says and she means to implement a long term plan
that I must admit - providing it materializes - is pretty solid as an olive in an
Italian's soup.

So welcome back and just consider the previous blog an ode to something less tragic
than was perceived.

Right-e-o.

Having said that... I wish to indulge myself and therefore beguile you fine lot
to hopefully attend or at the very least check out and spread around what I am about to show you.

Yeah, right. YOU WISH IT WAS A PHOTOGRAPH OF ME IN A SPREADER BAR DRESSED IN A TOGA WITH A ROSE IN MY MOUTH.

That is because you've not calculated the repercussions of such a sight. I can't be held responsible for inimitable seduction caused indirectly by conscious default.

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Yep. The BONG hit was good.

Here it is...

The Killing Joke

Friday, 30, October

@ the majestic British School Auditorium

Stigmata - Fuz Mechanx - Grey Mind Domain

Rs.500 per head

Dress Code: Trick or Treat or Subtly Grim " class="middle" border="0">

7pm-10.30pm

An Evening of Progressive Horror...

Gonna be fun as a fuck in a roller coaster I'd say. A Halloween gig to blow
the shit pudding out of all Halloween events.

What's with this month. Joz, Teacher and almost everyone's overseas. At least
Miss Sub Senior is back for the kill, thrill and eh kill.

I am gonna go listen to my soul being sucked in by the mean green bong machine.
It's only an expression.

And by the way, thanks to Miss Spani Tenny got Alice in Chain's "Dirt" (a classic album
doubtless) and Andrew got a best of Jimi Hendrix for his Bday which was on the 10th of October; Happy Birthday my brother!!! And I got an Anathema 2 in 1 box set with the Dark Wave/Psychedelic Goth Rock album of the century 'Judgment' and 'A Natural Disaster' also by Anathema, a Swiss Band called Punish with an album titled 'Dawn of the Martyr' AND Megadeth's new masterpiece and a true lesson in METAL 'End Game'.

'End Game' is receiving non-stop spins, till the player burns. The CD demands it, it's such
a great effing record. The album DESERVES it.

No Life Till Leather my Angels and Demons...

\m/

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Another Part of me is Gone

2009-10-05T06:12:34+02:00

What makes pain complete in its unpretentious purity is that it loves to rely on
fate's twisted hand and time's cruel imperfections to deny the shepherd of his sheep,
the forest of its rain and the ocean of its wind.

I've blogged about this character for quite sometime. She is with little debate my closest
and most admired sub, my friend, my sibling in Rock 'n Roll and more importantly someone who
means so much that it's taken me a trip of my senses down memory lane and the streets of consciousness to really understand how much she means to me.

I am not one to wallow in love.

I am not one to misinterpret lust for something nostalgic.

I am not one to display my emotions and its landslides for the world to feast on.

But it doesn't mean that I forsake or rebuke Love. I believe in it. I just perceive it in different dimensions.

Like all things in life; love and pain make strange but compatible bed fellows.
In fact they seem to crave each others company so often that you'd wonder if
there is love without pain... and whether or not at the bosom of all pain lies a
defaced spirit of love.

I've slammed this girl on my blog, I've praised her and I've threatened to estrange myself
from her but like a moon that is the opiate of any night sky I've grown accustomed to this creature's faults, her flaws and it's the small things she does that stays with me.

We went to the bloody airport yesterday and watched her leave with tears swelling in her eyes
and fear clutching at her thoughts 'cos she's never traveled alone before and never been to Europe before and now here she was having to head out to Zurich to re-unite with her father and brother who she has only known by name and not by association.

Plus, the woman has a chance to make a life for herself over there. I am not a wise man who'll place all my bets on just any fool's gold. There cannot be good things without sacrifice. And the sacrifice was that she must leave her friends and family; her Rock 'n Roll click behind to venture new ground and carve a future for her that will help her discover the power of independence and the secrets that inspire confidence.

I miss her.

I do love her.

And I am very cold now. Because like I said there is no love without pain.

But since this is what's best for her - I must be the messenger, mediator and messiah that is always there for her - even if for awhile - I cannot be with her. That's life. That's love. That's the perfection of pain.

And so once again I must be strong for her... for the click... and everyone who needs me.

And I must be strong for me.

May God hear your silent prayers and may you never be afraid to falter to learn.

We are and will always be there for you Spani.

I've fucked like a wolf and had the pleasure of knowing a lot of different women. There are those who are born and enslaved to class, those who are professionally adept, those who are educated, those who have intelligence that is unparalleled and others who've been there for me through some pretty dark times.

But this girl has stuck with me and the click with more fervency and loyalty than most, she's worked her ass to the bone to make something out of a life that was already impaired and scarred - was never her doing but she was the victim of changes as Judas Priest sang. She's had to build a world of conscious and carnal knowledge through experience and mistakes.

I can attest though that very few people have the same spirit of kindness, such a strong sense of crippled grief, such a bizarre adherence to negativity and pessimism, so much of compassion, such a big heart and the fearlessness to stand by those who she loves without pretensiousness. We've all made mistakes and some of us revel in our foolish pride and always will. All the silly things she used to say, and how she loved our doggies like no other, how she would fight for Stigmata and the lot of us... the way we argued and even got violent to the point of tearing each others eyes out. It's the small things right?

The way she'd always serve us food and keep it aside before anyone else in this place.

The way she'd always leave a bong shot for us before sharing it with others or even having a shot herself.

The things she tried to say that were so predictable and pissed the living crap out of me after a hard day's slaughter session. But then I know in her own way she's trying to be there for me.

The way she looked at me with a silence that spoke a thousand bleeding words.

The way she stayed with us when others we valued blew out like candles in a thunderstorm.

Come back to us... come back to me. But first make a life for yourself.

You know me and pain :-[" class="middle" border="0">

Take care of yourself baby. And don't forget to check out some sex shops.

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Once Upon a Death - A Pretty Little Poem

2009-09-10T15:38:47+02:00

Once Upon a Death – Suresh 10/09/09

The lonely wolf of Eden
Sheltered from doubt and fear
Wounds run red in the face of the river
Let your soul look into a mirror
While the fruit of knowledge rots by your feet

The lonely cross on Calvary
A thousand Judas kisses floating in the wind
The hand that cracks the whip
Rocks the cradle and therefore rules the world
Yes my friend the wretched truth hurts

A broken doll with a pretty frown
The Anti-heroes and martyrs all play their part
In shaping the end and its genesis
The human will is fragile and weak
Like a glass fortress prison
40 days and 40 nights tempted and tested
Angels crash and burn in liquid skies
While the big machine leeches on and on and on and on

Once you’ve had a taste
Of the forbidden life
Once you’ve worshipped your sin
Your only principal is choice
Free will tastes the same
Everyday in every way
Once upon a life gone wrong
Once upon a death

The lonely golden eagle
On a mountain of ash and bones
Scarring black, virgin indigo sun
Hoping blindly for people to change
The earth is painted red in its death
While the wheels of evolution crushes everything in its path

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Into the Abstract Darkly

2009-09-08T05:03:29+02:00

I have missed you my blog. But life and its uncertainties have laced my glass with poison
and things have been...how shall I put it...painful.

No, no. I've strayed away from physical injuries for awhile. There's a lot going right and a lot more going wrong at the moment and I am in too much of a fucked up state of mind to elaborate further.

Our Agency 891 (Pvt) Ltd., is getting more and more work every day. That's a good thing. Helps us pay the bills and live life without having to starve.

The Band returned from Malaysia and we ripped a hole in the sky there and I am still writing the Part 2 of our Malaysian conquest. It should be up in a few days.

Other than that things aren't too great. I am about to lose a very dear, dear, close friend who has been reported to immigration by some jobless fucks (those of you who've followed my blog can guess quite easily who it could be) and she will be either deported or must leave the country in the next few weeks.

I've grown relatively fond of this creature. I imagine the entire click will miss her. The real click, not the spineless prats and pansies who can't scratch their own asses with their egos and their shape-shifting grandeur.

My Facebook and Gmail accounts were hacked into by some jobless fucks who've also calculatedly & collectively complained to FB and got my account deactivated which is a spineless but fairly crafty thing to do. Stigmata has an unparalleled online presence and successfully deactivating my account results in our online activity receding. I have over 2500 contacts on FB; friends, fans, stakeholders and contacts of the Band and the Agency I've built up for a considerable period of time and FB are refusing to reactivate my account on the grounds that I've harassed people. I have no time to waltz around and waste anyone else's time let alone mine.

But I am deeply moved that some very cool friends and fans have started a petition on FB to get yours truly back and in a week there are almost a 1000 people. I reckon some of you are on that group so THANK YOU. I mean it.

We are a Band that has insurmountable haters and rivals and although we do not stoop to third grade levels of cheap warfare, others it seems thrive on being what they are born to be... vermin.

In my books if you have beef with us come perform with us on any stage, any day. They can't. They know they can't. We'll rip them a whole new universe they can shit out container trucks for a decade or so. I guess we just have to deal with this kind of thing. It's the principal of the mater, I am aware I can start a new account. But to just let these guys get away with it? To merely cast a blind eye towards the probability of acquiring a little bit of justice?

If these guys wanna tango... Tango we shall.

At the same time we had to look for a new place to shift to 'cos our 2 years is up this November and we can't rehearse here anymore 'cos of bitch cakes (see previous post). We have found a remarkable place that should be great for the Band, the Agency and the Doggies!!!

Got my CIM results... I passed and I am stoked about that. The only other thing that I have of some use to brighten and liven up your spirits is that I've been asked to have my own BDSM column on the latest online lifestyle site that's the talk of the city called The Backdoor. Check it out...

My collumn is called the Safe Word and it's picking up like cup cakes in hell. More guys hate me and more ladies absolutely love it.

So check it out...

http://backdoormag.com/the-safe-word-the-5-commandments-of-foreplay.html

I will put up the Part 2 of our Malaysian conquest and also blog more frequently once things kinda fall into a pattern if not into place at least.

Till then...

Rock 'n Roll My Friends \m/

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Veni, Vidi, Vici - How Stigmata conquered Malaysia Part 1

2009-08-02T04:48:12+02:00

No story of triumph is complete without some tragedy, controversy and stories that could possibly sit, stand or echo in the vaults of time… well… for a very long time. There are plenty of updates, video clips, pics and some fine reviews from our Malaysia Tour however Loud Island have made a special request that I shed my perspective and fill you guys in on how the Tour was through the eyes of a performer. Also devotees of my innocuous blog (HaartyHaarrHarrr) have been complaining that I need to update it with all what happened in Malaysia. So here’s to killing two Cold Play fans with 1 stone.

So this is how we carried the flag of our country (in spirit really) and branded Malaysia with our beautiful scars.

Part I

Prelude to the Tour

As usual a whole lotta things; professional, personal and social had clustered up in the weeks preceding to Southern Ultimate Explosion 2009 in Johor, Malaysia. Last minute complications, passports expiring, Visas needing sorting, rehearsals with our new skinsman Taraka, work, bills and a local gig called ‘Splitting the Paradigm’ - that was an incredible concert – later…

It’s the 9th of July and after the killer gig here we’ve been rehearsing like crazy; it being our first time in Malaysia and all, and the fact that we were privileged to perform with some pretty wicked bands. There was a case of limited practice time because of recent sound complaints made to the local authorities by an enforcer of the law who’s mother is ill & was finding it hard to not slip out of consciousness with us providing the soundtrack to the apocalypse… all bullshit if you ask me. We’ve lived in this area for over 2 years now and none of our immediate neighbors have uttered a complaint or depicted concern, this bloody trip breaker has moved in recently 4 or 5 houses down the road where one can only feel the vibrations & I guess a little bit of sound at most. His mother is a diabetic. What Heavy Metal has to do with it is lost to all of us.

Anyway.

We clock in as much rehearsals as we can, the concept behind the local gig was to give our local fans a taste of Stigmata before we left on tour and then it was also a good warm up for us, and taking many precautions into dire consideration we made sure the sounds were really under control but then again when you play scorchers like ‘Spiral Coma’, ‘Nothing’, ‘Swinemaker’ and crushing covers like ‘Scavenger of Human Sorrow’ and ‘Painkiller’ I guess it can make certain people’s heads pop open.

So if I am not mistaken the local gig was on the 4th, we were too hacked on the 5th and so on the 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th (the day we were meant to leave) Stigmata rehearsed; praying silently and hoping that the uncool dude down the road would –

1)go on a trip somewhere and get lost
2)fall down the stairs and need a hip replacement in a hospital far away from here
3)drown in our apocalyptic lullabies

No, no, no. We wished him no harm. In any case you’ll begin to dislike this bitch-cake as much as we do very soon. So what we do is we rehearse stuff from our debut ‘Hollow Dreams’, our second record ‘Silent Chaos Serpentine’, material from our soon to be released Album and a few covers. We have a few tricks up our jungies and we are ready, excited, anxious and can’t wait to go perform them in Malaysia.

Its Taraka’s first time overseas too, so we had to gear him for the best and the worst. The finest way to deal with unpredictably horrific circumstances is to anticipate that in a REAL world shit goes wrong all the time and when you least expect it. We make sure all our luggage is sorted, packed (I couldn’t do this alone so my mom visited and stayed for a few days and did the whole “why are you taking so many colorless, black, old t-shirts? Why not take some nice shirts? Look at those jeans, why do they have holes in them?”), the equipment and instruments are all in order, air tickets and passports etc.

So our guys insist on taking the set one last time and that’s exactly what we do. We stop at 8 ‘o clock ‘cos that’s the time we’ve been permitted to play until and you can ask anyone whose around when we rehearse we stick to the timeline like pros! Then we hit the showers, we have some close buddies over for some last minute pre-gig wishes and rituals, we open a bottle of Chivas and whack it on the rocks (yes, yes all remedies for disaster – you guys know Stigmata and our appetites for such things no?), getting all psyched and ready to go to the airport when while having a final chat with our good friend the Shrimp a police jeep passes our premises, its passengers all staring at the Shrimp & me and goes down the road. I have this obscure feeling of a moth on fire in my tummy (an ode to my whiskey than my intuition) and then before long the jeep comes and parks outside our place and an officer of z law steps out and asks me if a ‘Band practices around here’. I acknowledge him (he probably got high just from my motorbreath) and then I have to inquire what all the fuss is about.

That wonderful bloody bitch-cake down the road had called the cops on our sexy asses. Bloody hell. He had complained that we rehearse all the time, that we are never considerate 0f our neighbors and his indisposed mother, that we play till way late in the night and blah – fuckity – blah. I explain our side of the story; that we aren’t doing this for a hobby, this is what we love in life and it’s our profession and that I am aware of the sound restriction laws and that we are in our rights to rehearse till 8pm. I told the officers that we are just about to leave to the airport, that we did rehearse but stopped at 8pm that they can check with any of the other neighbors if they preferred to and that we’ve never had a SINGLE sound compliant in over 2 freakin’ years.

Please tell me… you see my point at just how annoying bitch-cakes is?

Much to the dear police ensemble’s shock Andrew reverses his Jeep at that moment; our Stig-mobile which is a monster of a vehicle and another friend or two were outside who walked over to see what was up. Andrew who had to go home, change and come back with a driver his dad had arranged to drop us at the airport, stopped the vehicle and asked if everything was ok, I also took the liberty of telling our landlord about the complaint and he came out to the street with another cool neighbor guns and words blazing who spoke to the officers and confirmed that no one in the road has an issue with us, our music and its just that 1 dickhead. Then another neighbor who is also an enforcer of the law (you guys must be really wondering where the hell we live no?) saw all of us outside with the men in green and stopped his vehicle and asked if everything was ok.

After what felt like an eon, the cops left, we wished our landlord and his wife and I treaded back inside and waited patiently with the others (who were so over the moon that none of them even knew what was going on outside) downing more whiskey, taking a bong or two waiting restlessly for Andrew & the Driver to come pick us up & to take us to z airport.

Andrew comes, we bid everyone farewell, lock and load all our stuff and head out to the Bandaranaike International Airport in Katunayake. A hot long drive later we are checked at the Airport; an adorable sniffer dog and all, chit chat with the army dudes and we make it on time (we almost missed our flight to India in 2007 because we stopped to drink thambili and some guys needed a smoke) & checked in without too much trouble. Funny thing though they wanted us to remove our boots/shoes, belts and everything in the final check up counter and Stigmata were ready to fly Malaysian Airlines.

3 very special buddies Vimukthi, Lasith and Tharaka Jr., who were also flying with us on the Tour were hitting Malaysia a few hours after us via Sri Lankan Airlines – they found their way there and so more adventures with these 3 characters will continue…

They must have sensed or at least we must have reeked of intoxication ‘cos they didn’t serve us even a beer on the route to Kuala Lumpur. Food was good and we got coffee that tasted like bug shit though and watched some movie that made no sense ‘cos there were toddlers on the plane doing amazing renditions of Danni Filth type screeches and screams every few minutes.

What felt like over a good 3 hours later we land in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. And this my friends is where the REAL journey begins.

Day 1 in Malaysia – 10 July

KL International Airport is majestic. From its stoic & mesmerizing architecture to how quickly everything moves; like a little Tokyo with express trains roaring all around, chicks in Metal t-shirts and a custom’s official who after chatting with Tenny remarked ‘Stigmata from Sri Lanka huh? My favorite bands are Mayhem, Testament and Death’ shows the horns retains a serious expression and says ‘Don’t tell anyone!’

We were in a techno-wiz city with metalheads walking around and it felt good to be there. Like an invisible caress that felt like a magical, silent and satisfactory welcome. You know things are ok when you’re in a place where everyone knows you’re a Band, and a Metal Band of all things and there are no looks or stares of judgment or resentment and that’s always a nice feeling.

Hey try being a Metal Band in Sri Lanka for 9 long years; the first of our kind, a new breed that had to literally carve a place for Metal in Sri Lanka with a few other dedicated guys and girls. No clubs, no radio & TV support, internet wasn’t too hot back then, no press or mags that would cover a Hard Rock/Metal Band. It was crazy. From playing school auditorium gigs and 60 songs a night at clubs mercilessly for hours on end to build the scene up… it was an overwhelming feeling of Heavy Metal zen – not ego and not pomposity – but an inner sinister smile and a thought that says ‘You guys sure have come a long way since those days walking 3-4 kms with amps and equipment in school uniform to rehearse in a studio very far away. Wayta go you buggers.’ Even then the things running in my head were (in no particular order as such) –

1)Hope everyone back home is alright. Loved ones, ones to love, friends, family the works.
2)My doggies… hope Poofy, Corny and Michi don’t rip the neighborhood apart. Unless it’s bitch-cakes.
3)Will the sounds be alright over here? Hope we get a LONG ass soundcheck.
4)Hope Lasith, Vimukthi and Junior have landed safe and found their way to Johor.
5)Maara bloody chicks here no…
6)So if this IS KL I wonder what Johor is like…
7)Will my pipes hold for 2 consecutive days? I need to take it easy.
8)Wonder how the sound engineer will be? What if he can’t understand what we are telling him!?!
9)That coffee on the plane was awful, wonder how the other buggers are taking it…
10)Maara chicks here but…
11)Wonder where exactly we are staying?
12)I guess the other bands must have arrived by now. This is going to be fun.
13)OK where are we supposed to pick up our equipment from?
14)I can’t believe I am already starting to miss everyone back home. Those dogs are gonna be the death of me.
15)Hope this isn’t like our India experience and may the dude supposed to pick us up and drive us from KL to Johor be here on time.
16)Was that an Original Transformers Optimus Prime toy figure? I’ve always wanted one of those things. Whoa.

In order for us to pick up our equipment and check out we have to take an express train from one part of the airport to another. And trust me. These are the type of trains that one could easily utilize to make pancakes.

All excited, massively overwhelmed and with those same things spinning inside my head we get all our stuff and check out to find a dude called ‘Cowboy’. We thought it was very clever of them to give the guy a moniker that’s easily identifiable and I would love to give you a long story how we were stranded in the airport and stuff, but sorry to disappoint you guys. We saw a tall, well built guy wearing a cowboy hat waiting for us. We make all the introductions and discover that his real name is Cowboy and he likes cowboys and even wears cowboy hats. He was there with a buddy of his; a small made dude who also likes to wear hats named ‘Pit’.

So with Cowboy and Pit we go and get our Dollars converted to RM and we head out of the beautiful KLI Airport to a vehicle parked just outside. We load all our luggage and gear and looking around the magnificent structure and illuminative grandeur of the Airport itself, the surrounding area lush and green, clear blue skies were simply meant to be clawed by Sri Lankan talons. I wish we had a camera or had a usable tape for Andrew’s DVD Cam; we had neither so we had to rely on our photographic memory and the magic of the mind.

Cowboy and Pit are both remarkably nice guys which puts a big ass dent in the Indian guy in Delhi who picked us up in the airport who was the equivalent of a moronic Hitler meets a Snail. To tell you the truth Cowboy should be a racecar driver. We hit 110 on the speedometer and Stigmata all mesmerized by the evocative splendor of KL and the early morning sunshine burning our skin realize that 110 is the minimum speed they usually travel in. The highway is flawlessly maintained and created; spacious, wide and two carpeted tongues bleeding into the distant horizon.

This is when Cowboy drives fast and our jeep just eats up the miles like a hungry motor demon.

Without exaggeration I was seated near one of the doors and with the shutter down every second of the drive was quite exhilarating. Now if you know me I am not a dude sold on speed, fast cars – though I love bikes and jeeps – and the concept of danger and adventure to me are different things. I actually enjoyed this though, feeling my heart thumping and bursting inside my chest as we literally flew on the highway from KL to Johor City. Of course we had to make 2 stops for some chow and coffee. When we did stop I looked like Aretha Franklin. No jokes people… these guys drive like it’s their last day on earth. And Thank God for that ‘cos it’s a long, painful drive to Johor from KLI Airport and had Cowboy not tried to break the barrier of speed and light we would have reached our destination in twice the time.

It took us almost 5 hours to get to Johor by the way. Yes, at that speed. Imagine how long it would have taken if we traveled at the 40 – 50kmh speed people are compelled to drive at in Sri Lanka?!? And one would notice things if only one would bother to observe. Mother Nature sure has smiled down on Malaysia. And the effort of the respective governing bodies and the people as a whole who’ve worked in unity to keep the place so clean, so beautiful.

After a pretty long time we started ascending out of Johor City and towards Pasar Godang, at least this was my understanding. We finally approach a nice, cozy joint built with red bricks called – hold yourself for this one folks – The Rose Cottage Hotel. Like something out of a Stephen King novel right? I know. Place wasn’t creepy though. We enter into a nice warmly, reception and waiting area, with a comfortable couch and cable set up for people to chill, there’s a PC near one of the walls as well with a sign saying Free Internet. We thank Cowboy and Pit who confirm that we are to rest and be ready in the evening as we will be picked up, to head out to the venue to have a look at the sounds as well as to have our dinner. We were anxious to meet up with Lasith, Vimukthi and Junior as well who we’ve had no contact with since hours ago.

Our rooms are cool; Andrew, Tenny and Taraka take Room 103 and Javin and I take Room 106. Two large beds, AC, Hotwater and Cable… that sounds about right. So we hit the showers, check each others rooms out, I get online make an update or two and then as dusk starts to creep and crawl soundlessly I get more and more psyched because I need to go check Rookies Steak House out. There’s this inconceivable urge every single time we play that drives me to near insanity to ensure that all’s going according to plan and that out of all the things that could go wrong that only a few would go wrong if we are accurately prepared, while we triumphantly tackle as many obstacles as possible without compromising our standards. That is something that’s very important to us; not just in Sri Lanka but wherever else we perform.

Its part of being Professional to endure anything that comes our way; good or bad or just plain-out horrible. It’s known therefore that all emotions and concerns must be tucked away in a tiny little box, in a dark cold room that can be opened and dissected only after the performance. Its one of those things. We have the knowledge, the experience, the diligence and insight to face anything that’s stacked against us. Its part of being a Heavy Metal musician in Sri Lanka, you simply learn that to survive in this business and this world you have to bite as ferociously as you bark. So in short we were expecting the worst so when shit hit the fan we’d be ready for it.

We are picked up by Cowboy and driven through a series of short cuts and in no less than 10 minutes we arrive at Rookies. Awesome joint. Its got a splendid candor that just screams ‘Rock ‘n Roll’ and so we go inside and meet our 3 buddies who’ve made it straight to Rookies after they landed in KL. The main organizer is a guy named Jack who we meet and after some chit chat shows us around the place.

You feel at ease; all tension and anxiety slipping and slithering away as your eyes sweep the pillars wrapped in many flags, walls adorned with Metal t-shirts, visuals and artwork all over the place, cabinets filled with Metal paraphernalia and memorabilia. If ever there was a place that could beckon a like minded stranger to dub it a ‘Home’ this is it. We noticed a tiny band stand laid out and by the nature of it figured out that certain mellower live acts must perform on this band stand on some days of the week. As foolish as it was I actually wondered if that was where we would perform when Jack (Rookies owner & organizer of SUE 2009) asks us if we would like to see the venue.

‘Hell Yeah.’

A large warehouse; enormous in length but limited in width stood right next to Rookies also owned and recently developed by the owner and co. The place is shrouded and coated in black and one could distinguish an array of fans on the walls as the heat begins to coil around our skin. The place is a furnace almost and at the back on an in-built stage and elevated platform we can see the sound guys setting up the equipment for the gigs. We scrutinize the equipment; the amps, the drum-kit, the bass amp and find it’s more than satisfactory.

To our chagrin and terror we notice that there is 1 on stage monitor for the guitarists and the vocalist and another monitor for the drummer. Now I am no genius when it comes to sound engineering and balancing but I am certainly no layman either. The P.A system didn’t look like it was sufficient and so I had a chat with the engineer; a sweet, soft spoken – to the point of never being heard – petite little dude who explained that they’ve provided sounds based on the budget and the requirement. I smiled at myself thinking that wherever in the world one goes something’s will never change. Sound guys won’t either! We insist that the bands will need a bigger P.A System and more monitors to hear ourselves on stage. Till the other bands have a look and voice their concerns we felt perhaps we should wait and see how everything is once it’s all set up.

So our first day in Malaysia was about getting to know people, some of the band guys, the staff at Rookies, about Rookies itself, about Jack and his family and after a hearty dinner it was determined that the sound check will be on the next day before the concert starts and so we retired to the Rose Cottage Hotel bid each other goodnight and for a fitting anti-climax Javeen and I discover we are unable to fall asleep; jet lag, pre-gig lag whatever you wanna call it… so we watch Die Hard 4.0 till either of us doze off. We would find out later that Tenny and Taraka were also watching Die Hard 4.0 while Andrew was asleep.

By the time I get through the list of movies and TV series you’ll begin to understand why Die Hard 4.0 was one of the better options.

Where the action and the shit both hit the fan is when the next day dawns. The day of the gig…

Till then hold on to your assets.

To be continued…

(Next – Southern Ultimate Explosion, a Crazy Time with some Crazy Bands, A sudden Third Gig that popped out of no-where, escaping the jaws of the Death Penalty and more)

Comments

Short & Sweet

2009-07-09T08:43:57+02:00

The nature of the beast and its intentions are two completely different things. Think about it. Today is a BIG day for Stigmata ‘cos later this day we will embark on our very first tour of Malaysia, and head out brandishing the flag of Pure Sri Lankan Metal from our bittersweet shores to Johor, Malaysia. We are told that Johor; Rock City as it’s popularly known is a long drive from Kuala Lampur where we will reach ideally sometime tomorrow morning. The best part of this trip is that some of our dear friends will travel with us to catch the tour; for many of them it’s their first Stigz tour so it should be interesting. Charlie is making it for the gig from Aussie so really excited to meet him as well.

Gonna have ourselves a mighty good time I reckon.

And all things considered almost every lady I know from around the world keeps insisting that the entire Band should take Durex contraceptives from here… whatever that’s meant to insinuate.

Truth is we already know there is a greater scene in terms of age and credibility in Malaysia. We know that Malaysia is the home to some amazing musicians and artistes. We understand that although we’ve been asked to headline on both days of the event that it’s not going to be a walk in the park. 12 Bands in total; giants from Singapore, Thailand, Indonesia and Malaysia sharing one stage with us, and we being the only Sri Lankan Metal Band to perform at the Southern Ultimate Explosion 2009 have a lot to live up to. Public perception narrows down to sex, drugs and Rock ‘n Roll but in truth the ONLY thing on our minds is the Rock ‘n Roll part ‘cos we've gotta make sure everything from the sounds, to the health and focus of the Band is in tact, and a two hour set on two nights straight is going to be a challenge… And challenges are what we live for in Stigz so it should all be fine. We are not foolish or shortsighted into believing everything will work out smoothly. It’s not being pessimistic just being realistic because tragedy and tribulation lurk almost always wherever Stigmata are. It’s one of those things. So let’s just say we are prepared for fate’s most sinister cruelties… anticipating trouble is an important aspect for artistic types it reminds us that we too are vulnerable and gullible at times when our will should be unshakable. But even we scar and bleed from mortal wounds so...

This is real life in real time so things don’t fall into place like the movies and soaps the way we expect, and if it doesn’t we should be geared as performers to deliver a musical tempest without compromise. I have no doubt or qualms about that. If there is anything that Stigmata does better than most is live up to the essence of our reputation under severe pressure & stress.

I’ve received many mails; prominently from the fairer sex with complaints that my blog should be updated more frequently. As flattered as I am, the thing is I’ve honestly been caught between the good old hammer and the anvil as they say.

The past month has consisted of work, more work, a big ass event our agency successfully coordinated and handled for the Chartered Institute of Marketing; it was our first beach party we organized, from the conceptualizing to the promotions etc., and boy did we kick ass… it is spoken about in hallowed tones that it was one of the finest parties ever organized , we were busy with recording album number 3 – that’s going steady but slow, then rehearsals for our Splitting the Paradigm gig in SL which was on the 4th of July and the Malaysian Tour, I had my second stage Marketing exams, my aunt and uncle were pretty sick, we have a new skinsman so we had to get him ready with tracks off our debut ‘Hollow Dreams’, our second record ‘Silent Chaos Serpentine’ and the new album.

I’ll attempt to go into intricacies when time permits… I’ve been itching to give you guys an update on all my naughty endeavors in the past few weeks, good kinky sex, how I played acoustic guitar after 9 years on one of our old tunes called ‘Falling Away’ which we haven’t performed in over 6 years and then there’s more… the part that’ll make your juices ebb and flow. Now, I am just teasin’ you that’s all.

I promise to give you a full update on our Malaysian Tour, we will attempt to update our Official Myspace and FB Groups out and just in case you’ve no idea what I am on about check out these awesome links:

The Official Myspace with the latest news, international tour updates, reviews, interviews, videos, live performances, studio sessions, stream some kick ass tunes and more - http://www.myspace.com/stigmatasrilanka

The Official Stigmata Facebook Group – http://www.facebook.com/sureshdesilva?ref=profile#/group.php?gid=2279763077&ref=ts

The Official Stigmata Fan Page on Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/sureshdesilva?ref=profile#/pages/stigmata/9534444922?ref=ts

The gig on the 4th was absoFUCKINGlutely kick ass! You can see the thousands of pics on FB… some pretty hectic shots this time. And “Splitting the Paradigm” on the 4th helped us to set the tone and get ready for Malaysia. Amazing performances by FuzMechanX and Paranoid Earthling ass well. And a big shout out to everyone who attended and helped organize the gig!

So we leave tonight… we return on the 15th.

We’ve got some kick ass tunes lined up, some awesome covers and enough fury and fire to leave a trail of rapture and wake in Malaysia. We ain’t taking no prisoners this time. No apologies. No lamentations.

It’s going to be 2 nights of Pure fucking Sri Lankan Metal and mayhem.

Let the chaos ensue as the lion roars in triumphant thunder…

And we the children of the lion shall carry its flag high and proud.

Love you all… Thanks for the undying support and motivation.

Be safe my subs, doms, “Suite” fans and peers…

Till next I blog…

Comments

Stigmata hits 50 Thousand Big Ones on Myspace!!!

2009-06-11T03:49:23+02:00

STIGMATA Ladies and Gentlemen have NAILED 50, 000 hits on our Official Myspace and we are STOKED.

THANK YOU... ALL of YOU... Who've helped us become the 1st Sri Lankan based Metal Band to achieve this landmark.

This proves that no matter what latest commercial or extreme trends come and go in its cyclical grandeur that there are many people who BELIEVE in the timelessness and the dedication it has taken - through some pretty rough times, constant lies & backstabbing, music politics and very little support from electronic media - to stand away from the black and white ethos of the music industry and keep fighting for our artistry.

THANK YOU - you cool, cool fuckers you...

See you guys on the 4th!!!

Much Love, Lust and Chaos...

Suresh
Stigmata

http://myspace.com/stigmatasrilanka

Comments

Sheep among Sheep and Wolves among Wolves - a 30 year war ends

2009-05-24T10:23:05+02:00

Time and fate have collided and peace hangs precariously in the air. She hangs nonchalantly everywhere. Wherever one looks, just pick up a newspaper, a magazine, switch the TV or radio on, look at whatever text updates are sent and its color washed in patriotic grandeur. I am at home supposed to be studying for my marketing communications exam which is in 2 weeks or less – and to give me credit I’ve done a fair deal of studying so far - but I’ve been having this itch for more than a few days that I can’t bear to ignore the righteous mayhem around me. Mayhem for peace if you’ve ever heard anything like it before. So here I am caught between a dilemma and feelings I hate to understand.

The day is a sickening grey; rain washes down not in its naturally purifying manner but rather like tears of angels gouging out their eyes on ominous clouds. This country of ours likens the rain to a divine sign – one to wash away the crimes, the treachery, the terrorism and pain of a 30 year old war.

The last few days have consisted of rallies transcending to riots, thousands of people of ALL classes either traveling in their monstrous pajeros and defenders splashing mud and filth everywhere with national flags displayed on them, buses and three wheelers with people either intoxicated or high on “peace” waving and brandishing the flag, hoards and mobs of ‘overjoyed’ folk blowing up their fingers and limbs ecstatically with fireworks and firecrackers, men, women and children dancing on the streets.

Right now helicopters keep roaring above us, the shouts and howls of the multitudes fill our ears as public rallies continue and that’s exactly why I am listening to the new Dream Theater album at the moment ‘Black Clouds and Silver Linings’ to numb myself from the ‘joy’. Great record by the way.

I generally refrain from blogging about political or sociological stuff; not because I have no opinion on these subjects but merely because it is subjective and we all know that when it comes to politics that only the opinions of the majority are tolerated.

Now… something very interesting happened a few days ago. Upon hearing and seeing the widely propagated and broadcasted news that the war was finally over I didn’t know how to react. On one hand I was happy that the war was done with and that in the long run there would certainly be a more positive outcome. At the same time I felt a dark tide claw at me, because I realized how the masses would respond and react. Let’s just say that I am attuned to my dark foreboding generally and therefore myself and others like me realized there would be chaos following the ‘catharsis’. Looking at how many people were plastering their profiles with patriotic pics which is the latest fad in town and messages were sent all over the place with no bearing that a large portion of our country consists of people who are not just Sinhalese Buddhists. My status message carried my personal opinion on how the victory is not complete till the racism is eradicated and the ’15 minutes patriots’ realize that the country doesn’t belong to us but we the people belong to the country. My status message raised considerable controversy. Many agreed and of course some didn’t. They felt I was being non-patriotic, shadowing our great moment of triumph. It was said that I was being pessimistic when I should join and collaborate on the bliss trip mania. I responded in the only way I know how.

My middle finger cast forth with acerbic literary design.

Sri Lankans are a great people. But divided we are only fragments of individuals who lack vision, foresight and sincerity. Make no mistake… I am proud to be a Sri Lankan. I am not proud to be classified or slotted into a racial slot so that I could either be an opinion leader, opinion former or an opinion follower.

Terrorism exists because it has been nurtured, nestled, provoked and been given the necessary nourishment to exist and this is true around the world. Look at the larger picture. The margins of right and wrong tend to get smudged in time. The world powers seek to empower nations that are developing with the tools, the knowledge and the infrastructure to advocate, assimilate and attack the evils of this world; evils necessary or not that are created by somebody or someone, somewhere.

The potter they say is only as good as his or her clay. Others say the potter is only as good as the tools he or she uses. Either way… Terrorism is evil and terrorism of any kind should not be tolerated. Injustice, corruption, violence, apathy, racism, antagonism should also not be tolerated. But a tree without branches is hardly a tree at all. A tree without its roots will not exist.

My point is this. The seeds of terrorism are sown by decision makers around the world and then it is left to be harvested by people who have no real concept of what they are dealing with. What begins as a justifiable cause soon becomes a killing joke as power, influence, status, control and megalomania sets in. So if one looks at the human condition terrorism is created by one party, set to spread by another and then all the intermediaries in-between the power corporations, the economic monoliths and the humanitarian puppets water the sapling till it grows.

Anyhoooooo (as a rather favorite person of mine says) my views are this. Thousands of lives are lost in war. Families lose their loved ones. Wives lose their husbands, mothers lose their children and a country loses its people for a greater cause. In the name of the greater good. The Sri Lankan war has had its toll on the nation, on the economy, on society. And I salute and congratulate the real heroes and martyrs of the war who’ve ended this 3 decade long debacle. A catastrophic circus of blood and guts that has shadowed many lives and tainted the development of this country for too long.

But make no mistake. Our war wasn’t just a civil war. It was a racist war. An ethnic conflict that has been sugarcoated by too many people through the broken passages of time as something less severe, something brittle and cyclical, feigning the complexity of the issue. Right and wrong once again has become a conscious blur within its framework. People are crying, ripping their hair out, rolling on the streets because many of them are so happy and in a way too terrified to NOT be happy. This 30 year old conflict has subsided, but is it over? Will it ever be over? I don’t know… because so many people have taken justice to their own hands now and believe that this country is a Buddhist nationalistic country that should be cleansed of every other race… it’s not openly said however the actions of the overzealous crowds kinda enforces that fact like a nail driven into the wrists and feet of a man about to be crucified… not everyone shares this view but a great many are behaving in ways that are ridiculous.

The little I know of Buddhism – it’s philosophy has never encouraged or compelled its followers to indulge in racist squabbles, over power, authority, over right and wrong and most of all… over money, class, origin and land.

I am a Singhalese. I am also a Christian. I do not hate anyone. I do not feel that anyone is more significant or less significant (unless they are cold play fans or hip hoppers – I couldn’t resist that… sorry) because they are born wealthy or poor, powerful or weak, ignorant or wise. Some of my closest friends are those from all racial backgrounds and they are more worthy of been called TRUE friends than most from my own racial/ethnic backdrop. Right now however the country is in bedlam; ‘cos the Singhalese are on a rampage to dictate and prove to the rest of the communities, the so-called minorities that they are kings of the fucking hill. The big guns and the rightful beneficiaries of this wonderful triumph.

They feel it is their victory. They feel it is their insignia and emblem of power. They feel it is their right to shed their skin and spit society in its face now. People who can’t tell their elbows from their assholes, and people who’ve been reserved, silent and almost invisible are having their turn at power poker now.

Violence is a brewing now in our nation in the name of peace. Power and ignorance make poor bed fellows. This victory is a symbolic victory that mars the concept of tragedy, but only really anesthetizes it. How ironic. While the multitudes ‘celebrate’ for peace I can also hear an entourage of ambulances and sirens screaming in the distance. The loveable folk who one week ago practiced and preached equality and equilibrium are now toppling vehicles, setting vehicles on fire if they don’t sport the national flag… the protests and celebrations are only furthering the point that the minorities are still minorities irrespective of what anyone has to say. Hundreds of people have changed their profile pictures on Face Book to the national flag and pictures of soldiers, and that’s very convenient at this time frame.

Do as others do so you will be sheep among sheep and wolves among wolves.

What about all the lives lost? What about all those who sacrificed their own for a cause? What about everyone whose dreams and hopes of a better future now lie in the comfort of a 6 by 6 death bed? The young and the restless, the bold and the beautiful and the absolutely enthralled rich kids are partying non-stop; drugs, alcohol and cancer sticks must be running out of stock pretty fast I reckon. People are actually ‘partying’. The silent are now more vocal than ever and the ignorant have become arrogant. The circumference of serenity is being given a make-over.

The international community is also fairly giddy now because in a way despite all the excuses, the humanitarian tête-à-tête and all the foreign policies to eradicate warfare being yo-yoed for the world to see… in this little jewel of a nation a 30 year old war has actually been climaxed. That naturally triggers concern that a third world nation has taken matters into their own hands and decided to do something for the betterment of its own future. To safeguard its legacy and history. There are things though that the international media continues to exploit that has its say alright. At the same time though in 3 decades apart from chit chat and political propaganda no one’s taken a REAL step to pull the plug on terrorism in this country. Now that someone finally has its ushered the world into a deep, thoughtful silence.

If a third world country the size of Godzilla’s left nut can stop a war… then many are saying what the fuck are WE honestly doing and why are WE incapable of pulling the plug on our wars? Aren’t we greater in terms of infrastructure? Aren’t we more evolved in terms of technology, strategy and influence? Why isn’t our Big Brother Complex paying off?

That’s ‘cos peace is a concept to merely soften the ideology of war if not war itself. You can’t have one without the other. One war ceases in one part of the world, the powers that be make sure another war begins in another part of the world. The mighty balance must be retained at all costs. Because if a war stops; a lot of people become jobless. Guns, bombs, landmines, claymores, missiles, rocket launches and everything else don’t just grow on trees right? Somebody designs them, someone else manufactures them, somebody packs ‘em, somebody distributes and sells them, wholesale meets retail, so many intermediaries in-between who have the required licenses to help ship the shit before people shoot the shit, somebody’s gotta use ‘em, somebody’s gotta re-sell ‘em. Even killing’s a business right? And when killing’s good business is great.

Economies of scale baby.

We’ll have to see if the hype will dull and the vicious rip tide of war’s aftermath which is ironically ‘peace’ will calm. Will people get over this anytime soon? I doubt it. Does this mean terrorism is completely obliterated from our beautiful shores made ugly by violent hatred? I don’t know. Are there coalition groups that may spring up from time to time to carry out an antagonist crusade of reprisal? Hopefully not.

This is a time that all of us must put our differences aside and work together to build this nation back to what it once was in a realistic way, in a holistic way… so that it will be a place void of terrorism, void of racial degradation and void of bitter rivalries and prejudices. How can this be achieved? I don’t know. The mental barricades and walls of ethnic differences and diversity must be broken down and shattered to its very last brick. We must all act promptly and united to ascertain that no more malign seeds are sown in the soil of ours souls. The future depends on it. The integrity of our people depends on it.

I say ‘fuck you’ to terrorism because the means cannot justify the ends in every context, in every situation and instance. I say ‘fuck you’ to evil, to hatred, to prejudice, to political and religious differences.

We must celebrate with the silence of thought, and rejoice with deep acquiescence never forgetting that lives have been lost, and sometimes when the margins of right and wrong are smudged you’ve got to do whatever it takes to solidify an outcome. The ends don’t justify the means either. But you can’t win wars if you’re not prepared to sacrifice some lives. I don’t condone it. I don’t condemn it. What I do believe is that once the damage is done and a problem exists then whatever means necessary should be implicated to find a solution, but responsibly, bringing all aspects of humanitarianism and human rights into consideration. Calculated risks must be taken. Knowledge is power but power is not knowledge.

We’ve won a 30 year old battle… the war still rages on… till we can lay our differences aside and every single one of us is prepared to stop calling ourselves Singhalese, Burghers, Tamils or Muslims… and we call ourselves SRI LANKANS.

Till that is achieved the war in my opinion is far from over.

Till that is accomplished this ‘peace’ is only a five letter word.

Fuck majorities and fuck minorities.

Either we are all SRI LANKANS or we are nothing at all.

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Thou Shalt Not Jiggy Wiggy

2009-05-14T08:52:24+02:00

Sex. The word has the kind of ring that resonates in the chambers of your mind. Like a cathedral bell that chimes and tolls with special meaning, hidden meaning… and somehow society has managed to counteract humanity’s most primordial act of selflessness in time memorial as something which is taboo, unceremonious, unholy and callous.

Look at the animal kingdom. Look at the pick ‘n order links of nature’s food chain. There are animals that are driven by instinct and a desire to survive and then there are humans who are dependant on their instinct to assimilate, amalgamate and breed for purposes unknown even to them. The ONLY time that humanity doesn’t spend time manipulating, vindicating their flaws, sucking on the glory and pathos of their dead-weight existence and basically terminating each other for gain, sport and profit is when they fuck.

This is a truth of life. It is. And the truth loves to make sushi out of the surrealists and illusionists. Now… back to the lesson of the day. It is understood that sex is an integral part of the human existence, a frivolous and sometimes overly characterized act of one’s being, and if one measures the pros and cons please tell me it does more bad than good? You can’t can you? ‘Cos it doesn’t do more bad than good.

Like all aspects of life which are tainted, prefabricated and warped sex has become synonymous with the blatant acts endorsed by laid back culturists and immoralists if viewed through the tire hub of a religious extremist’s cracked rear view mirror, at the same time it is a scene of contrition from the pages of an age old satirical play on life’s insipid stage, it is also a very sophisticated engagement that varies from individual to individual and more often than not… it’s about passionately expressing one’s abundant love, lust and affection for another in the climax of the physical world’s most sanctified endeavor.

Why do people have such a terrible time separating the subjective from the objective? Our background, upbringing, cultural backdrop, demography, education, living conditions and belief systems play a large part in determining our perceptions and views of life. It’s fine to kiss different people over and over again but it is not fine to make love or lust to different people over and over again. It’s alright to lie, cheat, retain arrogance and obstinacy, be self centered, obsessed over wealth, status and power, hurt the people we love because those are accepted as a part of life’s progressions however sex is something that must be preserved for kingdom come and not be exploited because it loses its sacredness.

I respect the numerous views that people have regarding sex. Because sex has been painted by society and religion as something dirty, something impure and something that must be curtailed and anesthetized because it makes people do things they didn’t know they could. I say too much of anything is bad for us. And this we also know. Too much water affects the white blood count in a person’s body. Too much consumption of sweets is bad for us as well. Too much TV is bad. Reading too much without taking a break is bad for our eyes. Listening to music without a break at large volumes could result in tinnitus. Hitting the gym without a proper schedule, breaks in-between and proper warming up and down methods is bad.

Too much of EVERYTHING is bad. Too much of NOTHING is also bad.

Now for those who wish to preserve their sexual integrity until marriage - is a respectable notion that we must value. I won’t tolerate arguments where some might say it’s foolish or immature. That’s a personal choice. Others need to have sex the way they breathe… and although it doesn’t agree with my appetite I say that’s fine too. Sex which is diluted, tainted and blemished is wrong. Clear cut wrong. The sex trade, sexual abuse of children, under-aged sex or sex without protection with random partners… I believe it’s understood that these things are just… wrong because they are irresponsible and guarantee a negative outcome.

But sex in itself to be judged and blacklisted because it doesn’t agree with our beliefs, our moral points of view and upbringing… that’s just silly. It’s like saying ‘since I don’t agree with people who drive fast like maniacs I don’t like cars’.

People cannot communicate and express their desires by words, actions and thoughts ONLY. There is a reason why organized society tries so hard to retain its equilibrium with regulations, guidelines and ideological principals. The order of the world must be maintained by a higher power and by a greater emblem that represents humanity as a whole or else there would be no control. Religion, Family Values and Societal Laws are essential to maintain the balance… and possibly more than that.

However it does scar existence at the same time. Good and evil are confused. Bad and good become like a game of snakes and ladders. Morality is a mask and living is our masquerade.
We are taught to ignore the way we really feel because that would just be giving into the ways of an evil world.

I’ve realized that the world isn’t evil. It’s people that make it evil. And the abstinence of experiencing life’s ups and downs in itself isn’t bad, but condemning and judging those who embark responsibly and yet freely on experiencing such things is ridiculous.

I personally don’t like hippies. Meaning I have no issue with their lifestyle or the fact that they are hippies. It’s just that I believe they had their place and time and somehow ended up contradicting the very core of their own existence after their reign. The hippie culture worked in the 60’s… it can’t and will not work now. So let’s say I don’t agree with people who are stuck on re-living a time gone by because what was applicable 40 years ago cannot be 100% relevant now. But the impact and influence they had on organized society cannot be ignored. The hippies with all their good and bad did manage to stop civil wars, political corruption and apartheid and opened the hearts of the public to live their lives void of prejudices, racism and hatred. I believe they did much more good in upholding the human spirit and the greater aspects of existence than any religious extremist or political propagandist (a very cool person taught me a new word). Peace, Love, Hope and Harmony were practiced and preached throughout the 60’s and 70’s despite the heavy intoxicant abuse and free thinking lifestyle. Like I said pros and cons. Everything has pros and cons. Life has so many contradictions that you need to get a grip on reality, fantasy AND everything in between to begin to understand why it is so important for us to see and read between the lines. And isn’t that the human plight? To always understand what we cannot fathom? To always seek what is never ours? To always plunge into the unknown? To secretly admire the mysteries of the universe but be too afraid to ride the cosmic waves?

Sex has its bad and it has its good. But if you sketch the bigger picture what harm does passionate, pre-cautioned and psychotic sex do? Does it make monsters of men and women? Does it make us forget our priorities? Does it make us ungrateful of life’s wonders and miracles? No. No. And No.

Love is a part of sex. Lust is a part of sex. Lust is a savage alter ego of love. Intercourse is a part of sex but sex isn’t ONLY about intercourse. Foreplay is a vital part of sex. Therefore making love and making lust are fragments of its denominator. It is a beautiful thing. A simple thing. A complex thing. And something that shouldn’t be shunned because it has a generalized moniker of indecency to its good name. Relationships shouldn’t be based solely on sex, but to discard it as insignificant is also very foolish. You don’t climb a mountain and quit before you reach its zenith.

What is it that makes a relationship tick and tock? Love? Understanding? Trust? Faith? Passion? Commitment? Humor? It is a state of bliss solidified by the psychological, emotional, spiritual and physical. Sex is non-verbal communication (with certain obvious exceptions)… the expression of ones most inherent feelings in a physical sense. It is the sanctified act of displaying the deepest, darkest most sincere emotional truths through the interlocking of two souls conjoining in flesh and rapture.

It doesn’t make it meaningless. Or less meaningful. It doesn’t make it an embosomed farce or a fallacy. It has its value. It has its significance. It has its twisted sense of purity and absolution that merely defers from the norm. Doesn’t anything that isn’t measured in face value defer from the norm anyway? Conformists will ‘make love’ eventually. Traditionalists will depend on their missionary position till eternity weeps no more. Experimentalists will take the S.E.X outta the word and re-arrange it. It still is what it is. No one makes ‘Moral’ love nah? No one really jumps into the saddle and thinks ‘boy, am I glad I preserved myself for you’.

For some it’s a sport, for others a lifestyle, for some a livelihood, for others a therapeutic voyage, for some a tropical fruit salad, for others a need to vent and release…

Subjectively one can say I prefer this to that because THIS means more to me than THAT.

Objectively one cannot say it’s wrong and silly because it contradicts ‘what I’ve been shown, taught and brought up to believe’.

It is the plot, the twist, the climax and anti-climax of physical communication and communion.

A forest is nourished by both the sun and rain. You’ve heard that old song ‘sometimes love just ain’t enough’. Through all the emotional monopoly and mind-games and paradoxes all species on this earth need to make love, lust and get jiggy with it.

‘Cos sometimes actions do speak louder than words.

And where would we all be without the power of words and the power of actions? Trial and error… trial and error… triumph and tragedy… life would be quite hollow and empty wouldn’t it?

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Stigmata Sheds Some Wicked Skin Your Way

2009-05-06T07:54:55+02:00

Dear Friends, Metal-heads and Martyrs of Stigz…

There’s so much going on in our uncanny world at the moment that it isn’t fair that you are kept in the dark. In fact that has never been something that we’ve wanted, but like life is unpredictable and reality is warped to the point of draining our existence of its mystery, beauty and purpose countless issues have surfaced time and time again. 2008 was a very difficult year for Stigz. We had reached a crossroad where we needed to re-evaluate a lot of stuff as a band; everything from A-Z and when we realized that we had taken a lot of things for granted and got too absorbed in our own indulgences that we had to make a serious decision to cut the crap and get the hell back on track. We realized we were surrounded by many people who were just confused, opportunist, parasites that sucked off us, we were too caught up in insignificant, trivial shit and worried about everyone around us, but ourselves. We changed a lot of things. We had to kick some shit around, sever many ties and wake up to make a better year out of 2008. We are many things… but we have always been a band that’s been honest with our fans, there’s no illusion of grandeur there. And through the years we’ve turned our backs on so many people who love us, who’ve stood by us and many who are the real heroes of this story.

So to all of you who’ve stood by us in our humble beginnings, through the ‘Hollow Dreams’ era and through the ‘Silent Chaos Serpentine’ saga… We are truly, truly, truly SORRY for any screw-ups on our part and we THANK YOU for believing in us.

So we entered 2009 with a furious passion, strategy, purpose and a new awakening and the last 5 months have been nothing short of phenomenal.

We said bye, bye to the parties, bid farewell to the substances and came down our high horses to make things right once again… knowing that there will be repercussions for our actions, that’s simply how the pendulums of this earth swings. But we are not a band that’s ever been intimidated, afraid or threatened by anything or anyone else and if we must bite the bullet in the name of consequence then so be it. Besides so many jealous, shallow and close minded Neanderthals have tried to blemish our reputation and the good name of Stigmata in the last few years, while others with their ulterior motives, hidden agendas and dramatic bug-shit have tired to de-motivate us, lied to our fans, our peers and built a pre-fabricated bubble of rivalry and competition that it was time to show the little guns how to tango in the fire… it was time for us to very cordially and emphatically say ‘Fuck You’ back.

The Band:

Stigmata haven’t had it easy since we started in 1999/2000, there have been high points and so many low points with line-up changes, tragedy, catastrophe, adversity that it truly amazes us to think we are going to hit the big number ‘10’ next year. You know how most bands these days who play 2 gigs a year, take the easy way out and record their music, get some airplay, a few reviews and then walk the walk and talk the talk like they are the ‘shit’… but a real Metal fan can’t be cheated. What makes Metal stand apart from the rest of the countless packs is the integrity, the honesty, the raging fire to achieve the impossible and the essence of it all; that they know their stuff, they can compose great music and perform it live like only professionals could. Most of these guys keep changing bands every few years the way they change their underwear, while for others it’s about getting laid, getting high and jerking-off in their spotlight of 15 minutes of fame. For Stigz and a handful of others it’s about longevity, about showing the world that Sri Lankans and Asians can scar and scorch the face of the sun with our talent, it’s about loving what we create and accepting that we are who and what we are. All what needs to be known right now is that Stigmata is in a very good place, we are unbreakable and we are driven beyond comprehension. Any problems we may have within the band internally have all been resolved. There might be another change within our ranks but fear not, it’s under control and we’ll elaborate on that very soon.

2009:

The year began with a BANG and a brilliant opportunity presented to us by our old friend Delon Weerasinghe who hooked us up with legendary travel icon Ian Wright who interviewed Stigmata and asked us to perform ‘A Dead Rose Wails for Light’ for his new travel series ‘Out of Bounds’ which airs on the Discovery Channel. Over 1 billion people around the world watch this program and it was an honor for us to meet Ian and his crew who were the most humble, down to earth guys that our Rock Star Poseurs could learn a thing or two from. He was funny, charismatic and most of all very supportive since he was a Rock fan himself. The interview went great and we performed ‘A Dead Rose…’ for him three times. We had some of our close friends and fans over, and the shoot was at Andrew’s place on his rooftop. So a BIG thank you goes out to all of you who were there and to Andrew’s folks for enabling us to raise some merry hell and rattle the foundations of every home along Templer’s Road.

Press/Media Exposure:

Stigmata is at no.11 on www.themetalforge.com on the site’s Top 50 CD Reviews of All Time. Some mighty big bands up there… and ‘Silent Chaos Serpentine’ received a brilliant review and has been on the poll for over two years now.

Featured as one of the Top Unsigned Artistes of the Month in ’08 on www.ultimate-guitar.com with ‘SCS’ hailed as a guitar inspired record.

‘Hollow Dreams’ and ‘SCS” were reviewed on Dubai’s top webzine www.themetalreporter.net this year.

Stigmata featured as Sri Lanka’s finest band on www.metal-archives.com.

‘Silent Chaos Serpentine’ reviewed on www.tmetal.com with a great rating.

‘Silent Chaos Serpentine’ reviewed on extreme metal site Black Belle Music www.freewebs.com/bbmrev/stigmata.htm.

‘A Dead Rose Wails for Light’ was reviewed on www.nonelouder.com.

Print Media Local 2009:

Stigmata cover story and feature on the Sunday Times Magazine (April 12 issue).

Stigmata cover story and feature on the Nation Soul Magazine (April 19 issue).

‘A Dead Rose Wails for Light’ reviewed on the April issue of the Leisure Times.

On the Net:

Check out the brand new Myspace layout created this week by Tenny which features international tours, local gigs, reviews, gig photographs, music and live videos, recording sessions, discography, Stigmata tunes and loads more. It’s the Official Portal for all things Stigz and has now passed a monumental 38, 950 views!!! http://myspace.com/stigmatasrilanka

See the new video for Stigmata’s acclaimed first sing le “A Dead Rose Wails for Light” off our new record on our myspace, www.youtube.com and also on the number 1 local site for all things Metal and Rock in Asia www.loudisland.com.

Stigmata has nearly 120, 000 collective views on www.youtube.com, so check out live clips, videos, studio sessions and more.

International Tours:

We have two gigs in Maldives pending at the moment and we are negotiating Aussie, Dubai, India and a few other countries to tour.

However Stigmata is billed to headline Southern Ultimate Explosion 2009 in Malaysia on the 11th and 12th July at the Rookies Club. Stigz will play alongside the likes of Predicate Not Defined, Deona Cult Deluna, Fear MNN, Karmapura, Wynken Delirium, Blind Tribe, Flying Sahara just to name a few. Stigz will perform for one and a half hours on both days starting at 6.15pm.

The Recording:

It’s been exactly one year since we started recording album number 3 and there have been complications along the way. And since Stigmata isn’t a band to depend on studio gimmicks and technological tricks like most we take pride in having to lay down every single arrangement and part to perfection. We are returning to the studio today (6/05/2009) almost one year since we laid the drums down last Wesak. Javeen’s prepared to nail the bass down this week, and this time around we are working to a strict 2-3 week deadline because we have a very special friend in Europe who has agreed to do the final mix and master of the new record in Germany. We are hoping everything works out to plan and despite the obvious delay there is a lot of good that’s come out of it. One is that we are fortunate to be able to work with this super cool dude, who we will reveal in due course and another is that ALL the new tracks have finally taken their permanent shape, a lot of changes have been made and because we’ve performed some of these songs locally and internationally we have been able to really work on the tracks, on every detail intricate or otherwise. From the grand opus “March of the Saints’ to the mind-fuck trip of ‘The Summoning Cry of Aries’ to the ethereal rapture of ‘Nothing’ and the crushing ‘Spiral Coma’… all the songs have a new life now. Consider all the earlier recordings and versions of the tracks as demos if you may. Those of you who were at “Our Silent Revolution” at the Punchi Theater witnessed the songs with their new snarling, snapping ferocity.

Metal 4 the Nation with the iconic Orth:

Tyronne Silva drummer extraordinaire and Tech/Death legends Orth are set to embark on a two week tour of Sri Lanka with Stigmata as support in August this year. Being the first island-wide Extreme Metal Tour everyone’s super excited and working hard to make the Metal 4 the Nation Tour a mega success. Let me take time to say that it is a real honor to perform with such great musicians and we in Stigz are looking forward to raising some merry hell!!!

Thank You for taking the time to read this. We hope to keep you updated monthly on everything that’s new and worth discussing. Ladies; you know we appreciate every single one of you and Gentlemen; without you we wouldn’t be able to have the most kick ass gigs in town… and without you guys imagine how desolate the pit would be? You guys make it worth it. Every struggle, all our pain and all the blood we’ve shed…

So be not afraid, step into our world…

Ride the Lunar Tide

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PS – To the handful of people on their sanctimonious trip that Rock in Sri Lanka is dead… what can we say? You guys better either stop whatever it is you are smoking or switch substances pretty fast. Just get on FB or the Net and you’ll see how hard most of the Bands are working. Sri Lankan Rock ‘n Roll is in a better place than it’s ever been. The poison godmachine and radio mediums are irrelevant and dying fast. Deal with it.

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Torpeo Sinistra

2009-04-27T10:50:26+02:00

Teach me to separate the truth from the lie
Teach me to face reality but to slowly draw the line
Teach me how to sin in order to survive
Teach me that some lessons can never be learnt twice

Teach me to love and not to abuse that love
Teach me that I can’t always fix what’s not broken by my hand
Teach me that pain only seeks a home to rest sometimes
Teach me that my tears are frozen in dark wounds that cannot smile

A child that drowns in the shadows of light
Bleeding in an unconscious world of shapeless black and white
The world is a cold, beautiful place full of wrong and right
But he will never feel the world - She will never see the world
Truly for what it is… never for its faults… never for its worth

Teach me to hold what’s precious in my thoughts
Teach me to be selfless so others can go far
Teach me to be pure of spirit when my soul strangles my heart
Teach me to be honest and accept the things that aren’t

Teach me to be cold so I could numb my hurt
Teach me to be scared so that the fear will not consume me
Teach me to miss the faceless innocence that suffered in fate’s womb
Teach me to be strong – to know that weakness isn’t always wrong

A child that drowns in the shadows of light
Bleeding in an unconscious world of shapeless black and white
The world is a cold, beautiful place full of wrong and right
But he will never see the world – She will never feel the world
Truly for what it is… never for its faults… never for its worth

And that can be my fault-And that can be my flaw
And that can be my wrong- etu torpeo sinistra

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A Season of Treason and a Revolution Begun

2009-04-23T06:43:06+02:00

Rage is somehow a feeling that once you get over all its hype and ‘supposed to be’ theories is a fierce emotion. One that feels like a hundred flaming chariots racing under your skin, your blood like poison ivy liquid making your heart swell and shrink, swell and shrink. I wasn’t going to update my blog today. No sir. I had no reason to. Now I am swept by so much of pure Rage that my anger seems to nourish its roots and like many Alpha Males when I lose the plot of serenity and calm… I become quite a monster. It’s a side of all of us that no one should ever have to see. And yet I wonder… what if my anger has been provoked? What if my Rage has been tempted to bloom and awaken? What if… What if… What if…

The concert on Saturday was an enormous success. ‘Our Silent Revolution’ was everything a Metal gig should be. And it was awesome performing to a packed house of musical enthusiasts and metal fans alike. I personally would have liked to have had the balcony brimming with people too but nevertheless the downstairs hall was packed silly and many of the seats on the balcony was occupied. The important thing was that Kross played a great debut gig with their soulful gospel metal with covers of Black Sabbath’s ‘Paranoid’ and Maiden’s ‘Trooper’ and Forsaken did a fantastic job with their whipping thrash assault. All hell broke lose in the most pleasant way imaginable once we took to the stage. We performed for about 2 hours straight playing tracks off our debut “Hollow Dreams” and second record “SCS” and 5 tracks off our soon to be launched album. The bad news is that we are still working on the new record. The good news is that the new songs have a new life of its own now… well not entirely of its own accord… I believe and feel very strongly that the new music now has taken its final shape and form. We also performed a surprise tongue-in-cheek metalllized instrumental cover of Baltimore’s (that crazy dude in the 80’s who wore a leopard skin) “Tarzan Boy”. 5 days after the gig and people are STILL putting up photos and videos and talking about it. We gave that gig our all. Now I am hungry for another one.

Tons of event photographs (almost a thousand shots if you can believe it!!!) and video clips of the gig are up on Facebook… on our profile pages as well. Do check it out if possible.

All of you who were able to turn up THANKS a lot. And all of you who supported us for the event and have checked our Band out THANK YOU.

Anyway it seems fate will simply not pause for even a moment without twisting and grinding its hands because following the highly successful (but next time it will be even MORE successful) gig chaos has strewn its chronic virus to complicate our being… again.

I would love to elaborate but unfortunately I can’t. Our Agency work was momentarily put on hold till the gig was over and that annoying string of holidays that I mentioned in my previous post. However a nasty rather insidious creature has poisoned the mind of one of my best mates… and it sadly happens to be the mate’s mom… which makes things rather difficult. Blood is thicker than water and shit is thicker than honey as they do say. For the moment however diplomacy and reticence about the matter at hand has enabled us to reach a conclusion of sorts. One of those infamous ‘let’s not go into too much detail, but work hard and make a difference’ talks which once practiced as much as preached should see things getting better. I also have a fair degree of faith knowing we can swing things around. The problem with patience though is that it is a virtue that takes its time and rewards rather slowly.

That is not the issue at hand. What has made me go bat-shit is to do with a lady friend who I have even taken the liberty to blog about. I take to betrayal almost the same way a shark would take to a bloody human being reaching for the surface of the ocean; not very well. And betrayal my friends like rage, anger, wrath etc., takes many shapes, sizes, faces and identities. This isn’t one of those callous rants of a broken heart (for the record even broken hearts still beat don’t they?) and one where I play the proverbial victim on a stage of romantic mediocrity. This is something much, much more than that.

I am referring to the betrayal of trust. I don’t much fancy endorsing or pretending to be a Sophist or a Socrates type of person. It’s as simple as this: when I care for someone to a great extent I will sacrifice, look out for and be there for that person whether it be a male or female. And I generally make it a point to basically outline that I do these things because I give a damn and also because I strongly believe that it will result in some form of positive outcome. Actually almost the entire click is the same.

And the problem is that when one of us in the click vouches for another there is a strange level of automatic acceptance that a person receives. I have been wrong before and have learnt from it. However my recent mistake was letting myself ignore the idiom ‘you can’t teach an old dog/bitch new tricks’ and so I’ve cut my fingers and burnt my hands yet again. In fact if I wasn’t a cold, calculating man with foresight we’d ALL be in a big mess… that frankly we can do without. A person who has been brought up with the moral fiber of a cockroach finds it difficult even as an adult to adapt and re-structure oneself. To look beyond oneself and see the world for what it really is while realizing that you’ll only get what you often give. Caring isn’t always subjective and I do believe that if one cares for someone or something certain compromises would be made. Now compromise is subjective of course.

Now let’s cut to the chase shall we? I wasted a lot of time, I invested a lot of affection and concern and tried for a very long time to show a certain individual what it means to be ‘loved’. Not by one person, but what it means to be a part of a family. What it means to be strong by knowing that our weaknesses can teach us many things, the overwhelming feeling of knowing that people will stand by you and vouch for you… that kind of ‘love’. A greater ‘love’ than most. But after nearly two years every time the old skin is shed and new flesh is adorned all that remains (obviously by choice) are lies, shameless antics, dishonesty and a heap of negativity. So after all this time of trying, all this time of being there, all this time of lending out considerable chances to right certain wrongs I must succumb to the notion that a zebra cannot change its stripes even if it wants to. I shan’t hold that against the said zebra. Though it just feels like the entire click and myself (‘cos I know that if I wasn’t such a blasted sentimentalist this road would have forked a LONG time ago) have been disrespected and not given our due. Perhaps it is intentional, perhaps it isn’t.

You know what I think? I think it’s a bit of both. And frankly I made it VERY clear after the last big screw-up that my patience was truly waning, and that if the zebra at hand had any sense of respect, dignity or concern for anyone other than the zebra itself that it would refrain from digging up a whole new mess and jumping into it.

In Sinhala there is a saying you know which goes like this: ‘Walakata bassoth gembek innawaa.’
It translates to something of this effect: ‘There’s a frog in every hole you jump into.’

I am many things. I am benign. I am sensitive. I am emotional. I am twisted. I am sadistic. I am masochistic. I am loyal. I am relentless. My perseverance can’t generally be challenged. But I am also cold. My temper is greater than any tempest one can concoct. I am firm. I am decisive. And once I have tasted a Judas kiss one too many… I will cease to be concerned. I will cease to be anything significant. And I will definitely sever the thread and set fire to the silver lining and watch it burn with my back turned to it.

I am all that… And right now… my patience has been challenged a little too much by the zebra.

May God Speed YOUR Devil’s Thunder.

Because the next time your pieces and shards crumble on the floor you won’t have anyone to pick them up but yourself.

The next time you run into trouble with country, law, fiends or your past comes back to haunt you… you best rely on those little demons you cradle and feed regularly.

When next it rains nostalgia, remorse, pain and shame… you can lick your own wounds.

And the next time you need something to lean on… I suggest you not lean too hard on your glass house of cards… because if one goes down then it all goes down.

Because this Monster has washed my hands off you. Maybe the rage would subside. In time perhaps I will be able to view you as something a little bit more than just a memory. A sequence of occurrences that led to many experiences… but in retrospect how many times have you betrayed our trust and let us down?

People make mistakes… granted. However if your addicted to making the same mistake over and over again to the point that you make the same mistake and then try to patch it up and cover it with flamboyant lies… then it’s some kind of an obsession isn’t it?

My rage is justified. Your blood is off my hands.

So burn baby, burn… while I juggle with these memories and walk away to my dark horizon. " class="middle" border="0">

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Our Silent Revolution and a Rare Cynical Beauty

2009-04-17T04:57:43+02:00

Ahhhhhh it's good to be back... it's good to be able to write something/anything again.
It's not until I've had to go on for a few days without being able to be online that it really takes a swerve, swings around and hits me right where it hurts, to realize how dependent I've become on the internet... and especially my blog. It's my portal for self therapy.. so I say... however a great many of you who do frequent my blog would know it's hardly suffice to just dub it as mere 'therapy'.

Our PC was bust in the last few days prohibiting me from being on line and it was a real BIATCH 'cos it's a busy time for Stigmata; we're negotiating some tours abroad (one in May, two in July and more in the pipeline)and have been pretty busy fine tuning the rest of our new tracks to resume the recording process again.

But most of all it's about this very special gig called "Our Silent Revolution" we are staging this Saturday the 18th April 2009 (erherm tomorrow) at a very cool venue called the 'Punchi Theater'. Granted it is not the traditional choice for a Metal concert 'cos this venue is synonymous with plays, dramas, literature days and eastern music performances so this is their first REAL Rock 'n Roll show. Snarrrrrrl.

The owners who are veterans in the Sinhalese theater industry are super psyched (as much as we are) that there's gonna be a Metal gig at their funky venue. So much so that they've got a chef exclusively for the evening who will make reasonable portions of bites at reasonable rates for our fans. And as they are stoked so are we... Let me tell you why -

The Punchi Theater is a killer venue because its built for theater and therefore the acoustics are brilliant. Which makes a big difference from the usual clubs that we stage shows at where either the owners need an attitude adjustment or a crash course in building customer relations. Either way the acoustics are more often than not shit at these clubs simply 'cos its built for DJ music.

Next the venue has ample parking for 70 vehicles whereas many "hip" clubs don't offer that much parking in any case.

The Punchi Theater has a 60, 000 watt generator and its Air Conditioned.

It's a nice venue with a downstairs and balcony where once the chairs are cleared out from the hall it should be able to hold 400-500 people in there.

Of course the place doesn't offer alcohol which I was thinking is fine 'cos the club/pub rates here are so ridiculous that its unaffordable and impractical to spend as much as clubs expect people to even on a bottle of water. So we've given out a set time from 7.30pm-11.30pm (which means it'll roughly go on till 12) and we've got a great new bill this time. Remember my blog post where I stated that we've helped out so many bands from here who don't have an iota of gratitude? Well we've started availing opportunities to new, talented bands who do appreciate it. We have the pleasure of featuring two awesome acts this time and an odd combo that makes for an interesting bill nevertheless: Kross a Gospel Rock band that specializes in Maiden and Sabbath covers as well and Forsaken a Thrash Band and Kandy's first Metal band of that ilk.

I must confess a guilty pleasure... I am a full on Thrash baba. I love my Thrash and I carry its flag like a true patriot. How can anyone argue with "Rust in Peace" and "Countdown to Extinction", "Master of Puppets" and "...And Justice for All", "Seasons in the Abyss", "The Gathering"... It's the elixir of breakneck anthems, adrenaline pumping opiate for the undernourished soul and great risks taken in the name of unpredictability. What can I say? I need my proteins right? I am a growing likkle angel ain't I?

So Kross and Forsaken will both play a set each and then Stigz will perform a no holds barred one and a half hour-two hour set. I don't get nervous for gigs anymore - none of us do. Not in the last 6-7 years... but we do get pre-gig jitters; that feeling of bats and cosmic butterflies doing swan dives which has more to do with other facets of the gig really. 'Cos I've mentioned how we are self managed and we do EVERYTHING for the event from the promotions, advertising, organizing, sound and light checks, sorting security to everything in between so one can really never know exactly how things will turn up till the gig really kick starts and ricochets to life. But if all those things fall into place then it makes for a pretty kick ass fucking gig... because at the end of the day everyone needs to put aside their differences, their dilemmas and pains and just be a part of one family - one universal fabric that never comes apart at the seams at a true Metal gig. Plus there's enough energy to set off a nuclear explosion so... >" class="middle" border="0">

Aiyooooo I miss my SPARKY

That statement was absolutely irrelevant. Anyway... Stigmata are playing after a 4 month hiatus and we can't wait to let hell tear lose. As usual though one of our gigs wouldn't be the same without a wonderful array of tragedy and in the last week apart from the PC getting bust and a long, tedious Sinhala and Tamil New Year holiday which stretched for 5 days (and I find it repulsive really 'cos a string of holidays like that dead center in April fucks up the motion of a LOT of things) and our drummer who works at a bank was stationed to his home town in Kandy for that time and so we couldn't rehearse. Then before the holiday stretch our drummer met with a bike accident and has now kicked back and his playing at his finest, then there's my busted knee cap - which I've been told not to exert for a while more so I guess I'll be expecting it to go "SNAP" at some point during the gig... what things to look forward to.

Meanwhile I've quite diligently acquainted myself with a beautiful, gifted, obstinate, pseudo-cynical, fairly sadistic school teacher who has charmed me enormously. If you know me and I believe words DO speak louder than actions at times - I am not usually enamored by women to actually waste blogging space on them. However this one is sharp, quick tongued and showcases a rather dubious sense of irony which makes her ever more so adorable. She's got great personality and is also a bit cuckoo which makes for a very stimulating cocktail. I'll just leave it at that... I've not been inclined or even found the impetus to reenact my 'Oh... now that's what I call prey. Do I have thy permission to hunt thee down ma'am?' mode.

And LADIES I've forgotten how to flirt?!? No really. Whatever you have to say... it's the truth. I am clearly the victim in this rare occasion.

So the gig's tomorrow... there's so much to do... and we are playing some tunes we've not performed in a long while so there's much to look forward to. So be good or bad (pick your choice), have fun over the weekend, have great, great sex, and never expect more than you're willing to give...

MUAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Time to fucking shatter the serene. So off I am to do what I do best.

Long Live Rock 'n Roll

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Origins - Poetry for the Thinkers

2009-04-06T06:22:48+02:00

Origins

The world is a beautiful place
Full of smiles and frowns and crowns that hath no thorns
Life is an oblivious race
Where our conscious threads are pecked by birds of prey

And the building blocks crumble
One by one and four by four
Slaves that crawl by their masters’ feet
While demons dance for something more

Proclivity for the mysterious unknown
While we balance our minds on the edge of a defaced sanity
The longevity of legacy is untold
An eye for an eye and blood for a shattered soul’s light

The human origins of our dark condition
To sin in the name of a greater salvation
To cripple the weak so the greater evil can seek
The riches and earthly treasures of futile pleasures

The peace you leave behind
The love you rape and hide
The power you must defile
The will of idiosyncratic sanguinity

Jigsaws in a burning Eden
Piece it together it’s a pretty picture
Milk your wounds in hopeless doom
Confess for those who cannot speak
Regress like the insects that cannot think
Humanity the puppets of disparity

Have you ever wondered why the world is such a beautiful place?
Have you ever wondered why the lost sheep can never return home?
Have you ever wondered why the broken need no fixing?
Have you ever wondered why life is an oblivious race?

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Stigmata's Video for 'A Dead Rose Wails for Light' is now launched!

2009-04-04T05:51:17+02:00

Ahhhhh all you super sexy ladies lend me your ears (and more)!!! And all you wonderful dudes (don't lend me anything more than your ears) >" class="middle" border="0">

Stigmata's official music video for the tune "A Dead Rose Wails for Light" which many of you have checked out on our myspace was launched yesterday and it would be friggin' awesome if you fine people would go check it out -

www.loudisland.com

Loud Island is a local site dedicated to give you unbiased, classy updates on Rock 'n Roll and Metal from around the world and primarily from the blossoming Asian scene.

You guys know how fond I am of making sure everyone here is updated the moment anything that's worthwhile discussing or sharing pops up right? And keeping in vogue with that spirit: THANK YOU for tolerating my madness and for always checking out all the stuff.

I'd buy ALL you dudes a fine round of beers and make passionate LUST to every lady to convey my sincere appreciation

I am feeling rather mischievous today. Mmmmmmmmm...

Hope you dig the video

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Naked in the Rain Today

2009-03-30T16:05:23+02:00

I just got into a mood, stripped naked, dragged a chair to our balcony in the evening
and sat in the rain...

More of that in a bit

Monday the 30th March... I am alone at work; let me remind you fine folks that we started our own Advertising Agency and therefore the office is officially at home, which is also where our rehearsal space is. Had a late night yesterday. Tenny and myself finally downloaded and watched 'The Watchmen' and perhaps I need to go trace my roots to the comic because apart from Rorschach the other characters reminded me of some fucked up has-been club of so and so's... OK... so I am a Marvel and DC Comics kid that later evolved to Spawn, the Crow, Constantine etc., however I can appreciate the director's take on the adaptation (Zach Snyder who was responsible for "Dawn of the Dead" and "300"), 'cos it's a violent take on Americanized heroism and the nostalgia of being a patriot of one's country, one's own kind and one's self. Strangely despite certain dark undertones and a few twists and turns the movie by itself actually made me dose off towards the end of the flick... which is never a good thing.

Having said that though the stories revolving around Rorschach was intense and the dude was solidly portrayed. The Night Owl and that Silk whatever woman strongly reminded me of an ex-girl friend of mine who loved to parade from man to man, to beast to lesser men and an affair she had with the programs head of a leading radio station in Sri Lanka. So the guy (who feigned the world famous card of I am kinda gay but actually I am every woman's closest friend) is identical to Night Owl (minus the costume and I do suppose he'd look like that with the outfit too) and the dame was a reflection of my particular ex. They are a perfect pair made in radio gaa gaa land and I must be man enough to admit that yes they are two peas in a pod.

I got up early and rushed with my aunt to the bank where she had to get a cash transfer in order to sort out the payment for my marketing exam registration... so I start my home grooming, self studying charade pretty soon I imagine (with all the shit I have to shovel) 'cos the exam's in June. Let's see how that goes. So I finished the shit at the bank and I had a bizarre ride back home in the three wheeler I took because there was something wrong with it and it kept plunging to and fro like a bloody hip hopper's ride and then would abruptly stop at a color light when it was green and roar back to life when it was red. Bitter sweet sardonic as they say. Well actually they don't say... I just do.

Andrew had to put the Stig-mobile aka: the hammerhead, the jeep into the garage and so he didn't come over, he wanted to stay home and practice which is cool. Tenny was out doing some work the whole day and so pretty ole me was alone at home, with three crazy dogs and was later joined by a friend who had taken leave today. He and myself had a few shots of rum and coke and then some arrack and coke( by coke I mean Coca Cola - ) but spent most of my day doing some Band promotional stuff on line and coordinated a photo shoot and interviews for a leading publication later this week. The friend just sat bored out of his skull watching me work. What to do... it's Monday right?

Then... the skies began to pale a darker shade of gray and the clouds grew ominous and reptilian like and then the drizzles started and then flashes of lightning inside the rollin' clouds like reptiles crawling within them... and it hit me that I had not got soaked and drenched like a dog in a thunderstorm in a LONG, LONG time. It also hit me that no one really cares to get wet in the rain anymore... I mean to hell with the rain dances and the sexy stuff of rolling around in mud and letting each others tongue's coil and recoil while the thunder hammers above and the lightning whip cracks fervently. This is primordial shit that every man, woman, beast and child should appreciate.

So that's what I was gonna do then. I finished my work, shut the machine & went to the main hall, saw that the doggies were ok, a lady friend was over - she'd brought me something to eat and her expression was priceless when I told her to keep it that I was going for a shower and then started undressing in the hall. I do have some decency in me... after all one can't be a MD of a company and pull off stunts like this - I can imagine it's bad for the reputation and etc., etc., yeah... so Anyway... the dude and the lady friend were having a chat, I closed the balcony doors, grabbed a towel, took my undies off and sat on a chair while the icy drops of rain just crowned me silly. I made sure no one could see me, and despite constant accusations that I have a tendency to be an exhibitionist (which isn't completely true) I did take precautions. Of course super pup extraordinaire Nakamichchi was wondering what the F was going on and kept tilting her head sideways like 'Dude, this guy is '

So there I was sitting butt nude in the freezing rain for awhile... hair dripping wet against my back and boy it was GOOD. At that point I didn't give a flying beetle bailey about anything... it felt good to just do that. Stupid... yeah... Crazy... yeah of course... I mean I could get sick... but what's the point of letting these precarious and odd little moments pass us by like everything that we allow to just pass us by. We let time pass us by, opportunities pass us by. And if I was to die tomorrow I'd like to imagine I'd sat in the pouring rain the day before with a middle finger extended to the organized world.

Life is pre-planned, all packaged, processed and determined by societal norms that we've all forgotten the purpose of riding a bike super fast on a long stretch of road... it isn't the power of speed... it's about the wind beating against your face. It isn't about releasing your load into the beautiful depths of a woman's alter... it's about discovering a new face of freedom and fulfillment in watching the lady drown in pleasure. It isn't about just shoving against each other in a mosh-pit and causing injury, it isn't about head banging for the world to see and spitting bits of broken teeth and blood at a concert... it's about letting the music move you, confirm and ascertain that NO, motherfucker YOU are NOT alone in your pain.

See I didn't care about the risk today... I didn't care who might see me... that the dude and the chick with shocked expressions seated inside would think things... I didn't care about my status, reputation or the inhibitions of being viewed as loony.

What's life and existence without risks anyway? And at the cost of catching a cold... or pneumonia at the worst. I would do it again. And again. All the time we find in the world for insipid, mundane shit... but never find time to just get wet in the rain anymore.

Fuck the guidelines. I wanted to get wet and I did.

What a way to start the week.

Go sit in the rain and hold your face up to the ash cinder skies, smile or frown at the clouds and let the rain crash down on your skin.

And what better soundtrack can a crazy man all the way in a tiny island in the Indian Ocean ask for than the pounding growls of thunder and the whiplash of blinding lightning?

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Would You Like to Share My Dreams?

2009-03-19T06:49:23+01:00

I had one of those dreams; not a nightmare I know my blood from my water. A long, detailed dream that you feel you’re a part of somehow. The type where you feel everything, see everything, the emotions aren’t feigned and what’s worst is you wake up with your heart pounding in your mouth. I woke up awhile ago… and it’s still pounding; galloping at a fierce pace, my breaths coming slowly.

I dream. I always have. And it’s been a very LONG time since I’ve experienced one this epic, this genuinely realistic that I can’t decide if it’s a precognition, a reminiscing of some sort or a promotion or whatever. Hell… I am still breathing like I’ve just finished a triathlon. I am anxious, I am concerned and yes… quite confused.

Even when I was young I’ve had these… things and it’s made no sense as far as I can tell except that when they do happen they spin my head inside out. I dreamt that I consumed a LOT of alcohol and somehow while asleep could feel the weight of the burden, the crucifixion of the intoxication throbbing in my head. My head was burning and it was terribly nauseating. Best part is when I woke up I felt I had one fuck of a hangover. My head’s still burning.

I am not surprised by having this. I figure I am supposed to derive some kind of understanding from this. I just don’t know what at this moment. Still breathing like a maniac. See I categorize night time sequences like this: good dreams, bad dreams, incoherent abstract dreams and then nightmares.

This wasn’t a bad dream. This wasn’t incoherent because I remember clearly how I felt in the dream which is still how I feel while being blurry eyed, with my sexy mane all knotted and a friggin’ mess… but the awful, awful breaths. They keep struggling to come out.

I was reading yesterday that the feeling of success sometimes is a far more terrible feeling than the feeling of failure, and I thought that was very interesting. If it makes next to any sense at all then the thing with my good dream is that ALL the good things in it scared the hell out of me; ‘cos that is how it used to feel like…that’s how it used to be. It took me back to place that even I was afraid to go.

I dreamt I was in some kind of a bungalow or a ‘walawuwa’ of some sort. It had the architecture and the interior of the kind of place you visit when you’re a kid and it stays with you. Everything from the mosquito nets (which were downright weird, haven’t seen mosquito nets over a bed in a LONG time) to the loos, to the hallway… it was nostalgic in pure obscurity.

Then I was with a group of friends from College; the entire click. Everyone was there. And it felt exactly the way it felt in College during intervals when most kids would either go running about, be in a hurry to eat or choke on their food and others would scatter all over the grounds… but 7 or 8 students would all gather like it was a daily, silent, unspoken ritual into one class room. These guys have known each other for freaking ages, since joining College in Pre-grade and then Grade 1 and so forth. It’s one of those things that we all looked forward to in school; hard to know why because we hardly really spoke about anything worthwhile other than girls, girls and (not to sound like motley fucking crue) but errr girls. It was our therapy. A few discussed music but then all of us were divided in reference to that topic because it was only me and perhaps two or three others who listened to Rock music; the notorious satanic verses of our time. Some of us used to get punished in college for listening to Rock music…how fucked up was that? Of course carving and etching band names from ACDC, Aerosmith, Metallica, Testament, to Black Sabbath and White Zombie on a new school table could arouse and disturb certain people understandably. ‘Cos the general trend was to carve our initials, girls names or just rhymes compact with swearing and nonsense for solid fun.

So these 7 or 8 guys were all in this bungalow like place… and those who drank drank, the ones who do drugs did drugs, the ones who chose sobriety due to religious and greater moral beliefs stuck to their horses. The feeling of the booze scorching my throat felt very real. And we were sharing good times, the guys were getting calls from their wives and weren’t picking up their phones and everyone had that mischievous gleam in their eyes. That gleam when we all went for English Lit tuition to a Lit teacher who seemed to fantasize about Shakespeare and his spear living in a cozy room on the top floor of a posh apartment complex in Colombo, we used to get there early go to the roof top and errrrrr piss on to the road in turns. We used to do a lot worse… but then somehow what we REALLY looked forward to were the lit classes ‘cos this veteran of lit used to feel herself when we used to talk about Blake, Yeats etc., which was quite funny.

Anyway so here we are discussing shit, good times and then that thing which almost ALYWAS happens when old friends meet did happen. That precarious moment where everyone goes silent; some munching on whatever bites are there, one or two staring at their liquor glasses as if it would reveal their future to them and others just gazing away almost wishing that this could last forever… that the hands of time could be rewound and swung backwards and we would be back in a safe zone where we didn’t have to worry about bills, rent, abortions, kids, work and the corporate grind couldn’t separate us… divide us… but then the bitter truth settles in like a moth to a flame. Where we know the good times will end and we MUST return to the world as it is… the world we know… the one where no matter how hard you kill yourself and work you’re faced with trials and tribulations of unspeakable magnitude. And the fucked up thing is it was like everybody KNEW this and shared this thought at once. Even the ones that have completely severed themselves from us. The one or two who are so corporately and instinctively bound to their work ethics and selves that they are even ashamed to let the memories of the good times roll into their heads. Some people are like that. Once you move on with life and experience a new world you tend to yearn to want to forget the old one… the pains and the feelings of the old world perhaps because going back to that place is traumatizing enough, it just gets harder and harder to admit that we all need to escape sometimes.

And then the worst part when old friends, enough intoxicants and reality sinks its teeth ripping our thoughts like they were paper napkins sets in. Everyone thinks of that which they’ve lost and miss the most. For some it’s the loss of parents, family, friends and girl friends and for others soul mates.

I am one of the buggers who open my mouth and let the demons fly out like it’s a dark spiritual winter and the winds are calling out for test subjects to toss about. The first to do so and let my alcohol wrenched guts fall onto the floor because no one wants to shed the first tear of regret… it’s one of those stupid manly things that even after all this time no one wants to be seen as the one who broke the first sweat. I speak of things that I wish that we weren’t this divided, that we could meet again and do this – our little college therapy at least once or twice a week and I receive stares from one or two who in the REAL world have forgotten their past and have opted to pretend they never had such an existence before. It wouldn’t work with their banker, lawyer, doctor persona. It would be demeaning to dig up old photographs with their colors faded through time…because they can’t deal with the truth that no matter what they achieve or what they do that like a tree if the roots die, the tree ultimately withers. Not on the outside; you can be rich, you can be a pro-gofer all you want to be, you can be experienced and educated, religious so your community respects you but you’re dead inside. And I could see one or two were dead inside because there was no light in their eyes. Just holes that reflected something I personally could not relate to. Those eyes that judged and seemed to silently question ‘who the fuck are you to want such things? You’re just a long, haired, tattoo infested freak with piercings aren’t you? What have you got that we haven’t?’

And that broke my heart… in my dream I could feel my insides leeching on the feelings. When you’ve known each other long enough you don’t even have to speak out loud… you know what the other person is thinking. It’s the truth. Those eyes that get watery and then just shine like embalmed limbs of a corpse. How easily they shut out what they feel. How can I learn to do such brave things? Keeping things bottled up is fine… but it ain’t easy when you’re a musician, a writer, an artistic type.

What broke my heart more was how those one or two guys looked around the room at the others who also may not be stereotypically in a similar place of ‘wealth, merit and qualification’ as these guys are – but I could see even how they still care, they want to change things but they can’t. We are who we are. The sooner we learn to deal with it the better it is.

Then one guy shatters the barrier in his drunken state by speaking of the sole woman he’s always loved and how he wants her back. The others follow and then it makes sense that some are married because of inevitabilities and not out of choice. Almost a twisted push of fate which has led them to tie the knot and how their souls are fucking trapped now. They are too damned good to yearn for anything different but out come the beans and the truth with the vomit that would follow.

And it FEELS so fucking REAL. I was there… I am there and then a familiar feeling that I’ve not encountered in years maybe, chokes me… literally chokes me. Squeezing my windpipe… clutching my heart and choking it and how it beats faster and faster and faster. That swelling of the gut and the deep pain of the mind follows. Memories ebb and flow and then once the dam bursts open there’s nothing you can do. I couldn’t do anything I saw the face of the one person I’ve respected more than any other human being in my life and I lost him when I was 10.

I dreamed of that too… and that was the scariest day of my life. When I woke up everything happened the way I dreamt it and even before my mother told me I knew the bad news… I felt it inside. Step by step I saw every fucking piece of it thread together… like someone had pressed rewind and I was repeating the incident… I remember how she handed me a glass of water her hands shaking and then how she couldn’t speak… none of that mattered… because I had SEEN and BEEN in that situation before it happened.

Then I felt the presence of the second person that has haunted me for many years since… a face that never betrayed me, never doubted me or my decisions, a face that always saw through the iron and that thirst for a greater salvation. The only woman I’ve ever REALLY loved, the person whose heart I broke by walking away and turning my back to her. It was the bravest and the most stupidest thing I’ve ever done so far in my life…because I remember how I felt when I chose to end it and then when I turned my back to her… when I started to walk away and I heard her whispering my name, shouting and then screaming for me to look back and I didn’t. With legs like melting wax and a heart painted black I just walked down the road which felt like an eternity of pain. And I have re-lived that day over and over again… and that face and those feelings were eating me up in my DREAM but they were also eating me up in my SLEEP.

A lot more happened after that… I can’t write about it all. Writing is therapeutic but it’s also painful. Just can’t. My breaths are still bursting out in quick succession and then I recall how our little meeting had to end, how everyone bid each other farewell; those with regret in their eyes and those who couldn’t wait to get the hell away from us.

I still can’t decipher what the dream meant… except that after almost a year I did dream something that to tell you guys the truth doesn’t feel like a dream at all. I was there… will it happen? Won’t it?

And those silent words ring true in my head ‘What have you got that we haven’t?’

It would have broken my heart even further to answer them. To give them a response with my silence. Because in such silences strange things could rise.

‘What have you got that we haven’t?

Oh… I have so much that you guys don’t have. Pain. Reflection. Hope. Love swimming in ashes. Pain.

Would you like to share my DREAMS? :-[" class="middle" border="0">

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Rising from the Wake

2009-03-18T05:50:42+01:00

I had to give Albert and Gilbert away to a more conducive environment. Broke my heart to do that 'cos I never though in my 25 years of sinning, living, screwing up, learning from most of my mistakes, doing whatever it is that I do best that I would grow attached to two tortoises. I trust though that we found them a good home; and there's a star tortoise there as well named Tina... and if you've read my Albert posts you'd definitely figure out that the cocky bastard must be having the time of his life.

Right that's off my chest. For what it's worth the three dogs are still here driving me a little crazier everyday.

I want to THANK you; all of you who've made the effort to go check out Stigmata's latest tunes, news, gimmicks and also our myspace out it's passed 30, 750 views now... And that's no small feat for a Band hailing from a paradise nestled in the large Indian Ocean's arms.
Things are finally materializing for us and it's taken over a year to get back on track because we surrounded ourselves with too many people who were with us for a 'ride', kids who
only wanted to reach puberty and experience life's oddest and most precarious moments, individuals who serenaded us with their praises and advocacy only to use us, climb outta their proverbial holes and tombs and get more exposure, use our contacts and then give us their rendition of a Judas Kiss ultimately.

But here is the best part... I have absolutely ZERO anger about it. Regret yes, of course... 'cos time wasted can never be retrieved or brought back. That is the thing I regret the most... the fact that we were on our high horses and didn't really open our minds and hearts and see through the transparent, plastic, trend infested hoards who surrounded us. And here's why we couldn't...

One thing was the intoxication... we were too high most of the while... and no matter who says what if you're high enough in times of triumph and tribulation you tend to mix up the two, neglect yourself and the things that really ought to matter... and finally you become a parody of everything you hate to become.

Second thing was that we made a lot of bad decisions. We were influenced by a lot of folks around us because we actually THOUGHT they had our best interests at heart. This part was worse than the constant inebriation I tell you. 'Cos the reality is that no one else can have our best interests at heart.

Third; we allowed our internal conflict as a unit and a team to be seen, assessed and viewed like it was some reality fucking sitcom to too many people.

Four; we kind of sought the company of the wrong type of women... and by that I am not being discriminating it's just that there are always those who catch you in their intricate webs for all the wrong reasons and although you might even know this - sometimes you tend to just go with the flow and not question the fuck ups - paving the way towards a world of right royal fuck ups... unnecessary fuck ups and after awhile things start to fall into place but you can't make sense of the pieces.

Five; the combination of all of this made our existence a very putrid one. Our visions got blurred, our goals seemed to dangle like a marionette puppet on a string on a dark horizon just before us always calling to us, but always out of reach. And the fact that we were high and on our high horses made these things worse.

It's different here you know; especially for us. 'Cos we have been a Band now for almost 10 years and it's true that I've been doing this since I was 14 or 15... but still you get used to a lifestyle and then it's hard to do any self reflection 'cos arrogance and pomposity tends to shape the ugly face of an ego and then everything goes down in flames.

We've come to realize - sometime ago in fact - that we need to clean up, get our focus back on the things that matter, patch things up with each other, tie a leash on the fucking egos and build it a dog house inside the vaults of ourselves, we needed to learn how, and we needed to re-analyze everything... because things were changing and people who used us as a mere entity and a brand were stabbing us and slitting our throats in our sleep. And boy was it a long, worthless sleep.

Look at us now... More focused, more united than ever. We've found a very special, spiritual place that keeps all of us together... conjoined spirits not wandering restlessly anymore but voyaging with a purpose... a purpose that is compatible with our goals and visions. It was time to not remain quiet and turn the other cheek, it was time to show who the pioneering Rock/Metal Band in the country really was, and when it came down to beeswax and honey that we 5 merry bastards could outsmart, outplay and make sushi out of anyone - especially the new generation of flavor of the week hit squads - who dared step on our path.

It was bye, bye sleep... bye, bye justifications and excuses and time to re-own this house... this home of ours... We'll fight fire with fire and give as much as any of our adversaries sought to give. All the wolves in sheep's clothing are now scattering about with their transparent skin sacks on fire. And I am sadistic enough to appreciate retribution served on a nice, silver platter.

BUT we realized the most important thing... that none of these things matter at all... and don't mean fuck all if we are unable to appreciate the REAL things that we've sidelined and somehow put aside for way too long.

Our FANS... our true FRIENDS... OURSELVES. We are doing a ton of promotions and press now; we've come down from our high horses and we've shunned the egos aside - at least we are humble enough to admit and accept all of this - and are calling out to our fans from 1999 to 2009... EVERYONE who still is willing to give us a chance. We were so full of ourselves and we needed to wake the hell up pretty fast because we were pissing on our own wake... and that was not just disturbing it was downright demeaning.

There are people who've stuck with us through all of this from the word go; when we were just school kids struggling to play 'Unforgiven 2'. When we had short hair, big goofy smiles and looked like chipmunks till we took to the stage and even then had a tendency to concoct mayhem (that always came naturally). There are people who love us for our 'Hollow Dreams' era (not just our first record but the entire country's first metal album released in 2003) and those who love us for our 'Silent Chaos Serpentine' era. To hell with divisions.
By Jupiter's left hairy testicle and his right shiny testicle a Band needs to evolve... and we did evolve, always have... but in the process of progression we'd forgotten some of our dearest fans and friends... not intentionally but because our heads were so far up our asses that we couldn't appreciate the roots... the past. And anyone who forgets where they come from - anyone like that is a useless case that might as well slit their own throats and drown in their own blood if you ask me.

So we've picked up the shattered pieces and shards and glued them together, we've re-stitched old wounds and given all our scars their due. Ok... we've made mistakes and I would say a LOT of them and about one year ago we started to distance ourselves from certain people and that's one of the best decisions we've made in our lives. These Judas's and Brutus's can wallow in their stews. Fine with us. Just stay the hell away from us.

So we've sent out a strong, honest message to the people who've believed in us, people who've loved us and then felt betrayed, people who couldn't stand to see the Rock Star syndrome crush us like we were flies under a construction vehicle's tires.

With a conscience that has been scrubbed and cleaned up, minds that aren't clogged with fables and lore and bodies more fit than ever... Stigmata are focused and ready to write not just a few chapters but an entire book of this new era; one where we are taking on our foes strategically and tactfully, one where if they spit on our faces we cut out their tongues, one where we are ready to take on the world without letting ANYTHING get in our way.

Change does not come to those who wait for it.

Change comes to those who fight for it.

And I'll be damned if we are ever going to lose track again... ever.

Comments

The Dystopia Theme - A Scary Little Poem

2009-03-12T06:34:05+01:00

The Dystopia Theme

A new theme to rewrite old chapters
Forbidden fruits chewed and seeds of knowledge spat out
World’s empty stage with its expensive curtains on fire
Someone draws the lines
Someone disguises and divides
Confessing a stranger’s sins in denial
Dogma machine and its visionaries of dystopia
Political wolves sniffing your waning freedom
Snapping at your thoughts and your rights
Everyday is a bloody season with virtuous treason

You must pay for what is free in this age of maddened phobic hysteria
Gods and idols on plastic alters punish us all for their franchised crimes

Children brought up on lies – feigned education systems and structured paradigms
To justify hate, apathy and ignorance while altering fragile minds
Teaching us from birth to judge differences of color
To believe that change comes to those who wait
Isn’t that bullshit? Isn’t that a reflection of a half assed vanity?

Turn the other cheek it’s the same as turning your back
Turn the truth around it’s the same as walking a trampoline blind
Unclench your fists and hold out the peace sign for propaganda
Beggar’s can choose if the hypocrites can
Innocence needn’t be raped – souls aren’t cheap and aren’t for sale
How much are you worth? Have you calculated your value?
The media whores sell and fascinated we swallow
The lion’s children are broken, wounded and hollow

You must pay for what is free in this age of maddened phobic hysteria
Gods and idols on plastic alters punish us all for their franchised crimes

It’s the way of the world
That the rich get richer
And the poor must suffer

It’s the way of the earth
That someone leads and others follow
In the name of lesser evils and fundamental power

A few will die content while a great many will die confused
Spit out your seeds – knowledge is a little overrated

(Suresh 11/3/2009)

Comments

As Gentle as the Crimson Twilight Falls

2009-03-05T08:40:42+01:00

The Black you know
That fragile hope
The old key you hold
Can’t unlock this door

Pain’s cold silhouette
Abstract canvas pure
No more your masterpiece
Your favorite vanity

Crimson falls – sweet rivulets
To every Pilate a crown
To every Judas a kiss
Amber rain softly pours down
On this three ring circus that’s humanity

The white you fear
Sanctified oblivion
Some sleep to dream
Some sleep to nightmare

Price of knowledge
This burning church
Red is the sky
Eternity is colorless

Twilight falls – veils of dusk
To every Peter a denial
To every Swine a herd of demons
Darkness divorces the light
The old key you hold can’t unlock this door
This fragile hope… the Black you’ll never know

Comments

A dislocated kneecap and a twist of fate

2009-02-28T07:41:07+01:00

What is coincidence really? A series of events lined up in unpredictable sequence that
have a pattern of probability or is it lady luck rammed, jammed via fellatio and there's a twist to the order of things? I don't believe in coincidences no more than I invest in luck or fortune... Because its easy for us to believe that we are microscopic entities in a larger and more profound system... a world that spins with purpose... a higher purpose as it were. And there's nothing we can do about it.

A man who has won a lottery crosses the road gets hit by a bus... is that bad luck or a mere coincidence? Or is it a cruel sense of irony?

A woman returns home after getting a promotion at work and slips and falls down the stairs and breaks her neck so her wind pipe juts out of her lacerated throat... that can't be a parody of any sort.

A child gets school holidays is excited to go home and then a bomb goes off... how could that be a part of a bigger pattern or a larger complex cycle?

The problem with coincidence is that to endorse and accept it is kind of like playing poker with a blind fold isn't it? How can we just say 'let come what may' and sit on our asses and let our lives be affected by the environment around us... us humans are brilliant at a lot of things that don't deserve acknowledgment or credit. Its said the dinosaurs ruled and roamed the earth almost 65 million years ago right? Creatures that somehow lived and survived all its conditions for millions of years finally kicked the bucket when their time was nigh. It was their time. They had their time. Lets trace back the earliest point of discovery when human civilizations roamed the earth: even if it was rubbing their nutsacks together to start a fire... shall we say 5 or 6 thousand years back at the very most. Lets go back even before Egypt, before Rome, Greece and Persia... That boils down to the Minoan and Mycenaean Civilizations right? In roughly 6000 years which is an ant in an anthill practically in contrast to the earth's historical backdrop of 65 million years and in that short time humans have proven to be the smartest, most articulate, creative, obstinate, psychotic and self obsessed species quite possibly in the galaxy.

We've used science to create bio-chemical and nuclear weapons... We've used commerce and economy to control the fiscal properties of the globe... We've used peace as a slogan to take the shimmer off wars... And we beat each other to a bloody pulp for power, status, wealth and all those things that ultimately don't mean fuck all when you die.

Is this coincidence or is it fated to be so? So here I am having a hard fucking time getting over some things that have happened to me and my friends in the last week:

* I dislocated my right knee cap (and hold yourselves for this folks) while SLEEPING. This happened day before yesterday.

*The emergency ward and hospital fucking ripped me a new one... the Orthopedician pokes and prods me and then tells me to come back in a WEEK for an MRI scan?!?

*We get a superfast internet connection, get the Agency running with work cascading in and then the PC goes bust... entire c drive is wiped out.

* Tenny's grandma passes away and with all the stuff that's happening we couldn't even be there for him and attend the funeral which was in Chilaw and quite far away.

*We had a photo shoot with a leading publication today and the photographer has fallen through a lose concrete slab on a pavement and busted his back.

*My mom calls me and says her work place (an INGO company) is shutting down and she has to find a job.

*A friend of ours has been electrocuted and her boyfriend has scorched his leg as a direct result of being in the same room... which is crazier than my dislocated kneecap.

...and there's more... now all of this has happened in quick succession and some might say 'wow, that's a pretty messed up coincidence'... whatever it is... I am certain that we will prevail because I am the kind of son of a gun that likes to kiss my middle finger and hold it out to fate and anything else that stands in my way (with one somewhat dysfunctional leg now... and we have so many gigs ahead!!!).

Is it the lunar tides or something to do with the plantery alignment? I don't know and I don't give a bugs backside about it... We are focused and driven and will not stop until well we are permanently errrr stopped.

All I know is we have an Agency to run now... We have a Third Album which is a work in progress for almost a year now and we won't rest till its the way we want it (trying to facilitate an independent recording in a country with a musical infrastructure equivalent to ass gravy is like finding a needle in an ocean) and then there's my studies; I gotta do my second stage of CIM AND then there's my novel which I am working my cute butt off on.

Though I must admit being pushed around in a wheelchair around a supposedly 24 hour surgical hospital with the place empty (like from a Stephen King novel) and seeing that everyone was asleep was petrifying but kinda fun at the same time (the wheelchair part).

So that's what happened in the last few days and if there ever was a time when I could come close to becoming someone's SUB it's now. Shits gone crazy and is flying all over the place it seems and I fucking swear whatever the next few days has in store for us (and me) we'll take it head on. But don't and I mean DO NOT tell me this is all a coincidence.

That's all.

Comments

Hukki Hukki Hoooooo

2009-02-25T06:39:23+01:00

Hey, Hail and Hukki, Hukki, Hoo!!!!

I am sweating bullets and a rainstorm in a fucking internet cafe
close to home. It's been so long since I blogged last and I would like to begin this quick post by apologizing (that's right) for a fatal error I made in my Albert the Valiant post. Actually I have no choice in the matter 'cos Albert insists I make a public notification about errrr the mishap (although he is refusing to admit in having a big part in the mishap). So I have with me a testimonial from Albert the Valiant himself which goes something like this:

'The insipid mortal human fool mistook my strategic brilliance and
tactical grace for something humans call "socializing" or whatever. I merely was cautious initially of enemy threats and therefore diverted all my attention to a myriad of malign forces (especially those bloody dog creatures that continuously make the strangest sounds)...however although I admit, I was fairly distant to the other tortoise that invaded my battle terrain... upon close inspection and scrutiny I discovered that Guilbert was more than meets the eye. Now due to spontaneous combustion and mating ritualistic needs the tactics have diverted.'

Errrr right. Which actually translates to this:

'Upon lifting Guilbert's skirt I discovered he was in fact a SHE and so Guilberta and I made a passionate display of fondness and mutually collaborated in relieving our horniness in mad tortoise like passion and Guilberta will carry my legacy.'

Which really just means this:

Albert and Guilberta fucked. Guilberta laid 7 eggs out of which 4 now remain and the overall equation at home now is Poofius Maximus (dog), Cornelia Flakes (three legged dog), Nakamichchi (sadistic superpup), Albert, Guilbert and four eggs.

Right. Now as many of you know Stigmata have been busy in the studio and after nearly a year (recording commenced in May 2008) we are still working our butts off... because we cannot create and chisel something
that falls short of monumental. It's gotta be crushing and it's gotta be the way we want it to be. There are some coooooool updates but till we finalize and ace things I will not go into too much detail. For the moment check out our new single "A Dead Rose Wails for Light" if you haven't already. (www.myspace.com/stigmatasrilanka)

I also mentioned we were busy at work in establishing our own Advertising/Marketing/Events Agency and 891 (Pvt) Ltd., is functioning in full swing and work is coming in relatively fast. I believe that by March the Agency should reach some stability. We've been working our asses off and finally now that the legal stuff - registration, gazette notifications and getting the certificate of incorporation - is safely out of the way the wheels are spinning. So please keep in mind that we have a work portfolio that we can mail to you (PowerPoint presentation) if any of you wish to check it out. We do a LOT of different work that agencies don't generally focus on and do all the ATL, BTL and Integrated stuff as well. So let me know my email is sureshde@gmail.com

Now to quickly brief you...I am working on a book. Actually I have 2 books of poetry which I haven't got around to releasing...And I am working on 3 books because I suffer from a mild MPD complex... 2 are on hold (as I've lost interest and shifted paradigms along the way) and I started writing one in October around Tenny's birthday last year. To date I've (and I've surprised myself even) completed over 600 pages and I am at the end of it almost. Really psyched...not because I think its any good, in fact many of you might not know how to respond to it but I believe its fresh, an interesting take on some iconic beings, its full of violence, dark brooding sexual scenarios and the usual mind fuck factors I toss in even when I blog or when I write poetry or lyrics.

Right now back to why I am sweating like a shitstorm in a cafe that refuses to put its AC on for some reason (cost cutting I imagine in these trying economic times) because...we FINALLY got internet at home/work and the PC decided to kick the bucket yesterday. We need to get it fixed today and I am shitting neon bolts 'cos my book and a LOT of my writing is on it. I am told by IT personnel that when the display goes and the machine gets stuck like this (programs getting jammed or something I can't fully comprehend)that there is a chance the entire C drive would go. That's fine. I was told also that some of the other drives might go off... And that's not fine!!! And you must all be thinking 'that's why you keep a backup bitch!' and you're right and I have. Except I haven't updated my backup and I stand to lose about 200 pages of my book if something's boo boo.

Aiyo.

And then there's my raunchy sex life...hahahaha hohohoho hehehehe...

Anymore seconds in this cess pit of a cafe and I'll melt.

Take care people...

I'll hit you with one of those patta posts soon.

That's PATTA.

MWAAAAAAA my lovelies...

Keep it heavy and as silent as the lambs like it.

Comments

Ian Wright and A Dead Rose Wailed for Light?

2009-01-21T13:35:25+01:00

I am just itching away. At what part of my body you wonder? You would wouldn’t you? Huh? Huh? Hokay. I am itching to kick start this year’s blog with a somewhat gritty and definitely provocative post about humankind’s favorite outdoor and indoor activity… Sex. But that post will have to wait.

I’ve discovered that for some reason (and I am hoping it’s for my literary veracity) the hit ratio on my blog has shot up. Errrrm there are quite a few people who seem to visit it either for kicks, tricks or a particular fix. Whatever your weapon of choice, I assure you I am deeply flattered and grateful because you know us creative types… we just find a wormhole that we carve a portal out of, then we vent out our daily musings and frustrations and then it becomes this sanctified addiction to reflect on self, which transcends into an obsession. I love to write… I love to read… I love to fuck… I love to listen to music… I love Metal and the thing is I need to write. It’s more than an obsession. It’s a need that’s primordial and pure of spirit (writing and fucking both). So thank you and I hope to sincerely keep pissing people off, turning some on, turning some off and causing as much verbal carnage as possible in the future. Not because I can, but because that’s just how it is. So horns out to all of you.

Stigmata released the debut single off our soon-to-be released Third Record (all highly anticipated and all) and it is called “A Dead Rose Wails for Light”. It was launched at ‘Silent Night Chaos Night’ a concert staged here in Colombo, Sri Lanka at a Club called the Underground on the 23 of December 2008. We organized the gig and it was jam packed like a sardine can! We distributed 300 free singles, with artwork and lyrics and we have never received such hectic feedback for one of our tracks before. We are hearing good stuff from Australia, Canada, India, Maldives, Europe and the US to name a few. The response and reaction it has stirred is truly overwhelming. When you work really hard; cock, mind and soul on something and when its artistry and people acknowledge the finer and finest points of your work and when people appreciate it…the truth is it feels good. It helps keep that fire raging inside (the fire down there is ALWAYS raging nah…doesn’t count) and it helps keep things in perspective.
We have over 20, 000 hits on our Official Myspace… over 2000 hits in two weeks after the single was out. We are preparing to shoot a video for “A Dead Rose Wails for Light” on the 9th of February in a warehouse in Colombo 7. There are some great ideas for it. We need a really sexually radiant lady, someone with that rare post napalm effect. Will let you know how that goes.

For the moment though BE the wonderful hoards of angels and demons you lot usually are and do check out “A Dead Rose Wails for Light” and drop me a line or two with your honest acerbic points of view. Just give it at least 3 spins before reaching a conclusion. There’s a lot that goes into our music and “A Dead Rose Wails for Light” is our most straight forward track on the new album but its hard hitting, merciless and melodic as fuck and we’ve tried out some new things. I won’t ruin it for you and go into extensive detail…I know you love your music, all of you are very opinionated and selective…give this a shot. New opiate for the bones!!!
There are certainly lots of different stylistic elements in the track. Different grooves, nuances and buildups, changes and some twisted stuff here and there so 3 listens should do the trick.

Mr.Ian Wright from the Discovery Channel’s Lonely Planet and America the Wright Way is down in Sri Lanka to do a feature on the country and its culture. Ian and the crew had heard about the Band and wanted to check out a rehearsal of ours. A load of thanks to Andrew and his entire family for letting us use their rooftop in Mount Lavinia for the shoot on the 14th of this month. Andrew’s rooftop/terrace was perfect because there is a natural elevation for the drums, we form a semi-circle around and in front of the drummer. The place is brilliant for a chill-out and so we invited a handful of friends and fans to hang out with the Band on the rooftop and get thrashed till Ian and the crew arrived. They were heading from Nuweraeliya and it was a 6 and a half hour journey and they made it straight to Andrew’s in a tour bus. Everyone got along great, we jammed “Andura” for them, bits of “Jazz Theory” and everyone agreed that we ought to play the new single. We performed “A Dead Rose Wails for Light” three times back to back so the crew were happy and had got all the footage they needed. Really nice guys, down to earth and pretty crazy too. We were interviewed and later on that evening the Band hung out with Ian and Co., had some din din while they videoed the chef and the local dish he was making for them. A very special thank you must go out to Ian Wright and Roast Beef Productions, Delon for his faith in us, Andrew & his family for their hospitality and support, the Band for doing a great job, Taraka for helping us out on the skins – excellent work!, Everyone there who turned up, hung out with us and made it a fucking epic experience. Wouldn’t have been the same… Kudos and Kadala!!!

So go now! Check out “A Dead Rose Wails for Light”…

You can hear the track and check out the new slick design on our Official Site – www.myspace.com/stigmatasrilanka

You can download the single - www.rock.lk

You can check out a preview and lyrics for the single - www.revolutionscreams.wordpress.com

Comments

Albert the Valiant

2008-12-27T10:34:59+01:00

My name is Albert the Valiant aka: Albus Abigail the Fourth, Algoroth the Merciless, Anton Levy (the Original) and was born countless years ago in some miserable place I can’t quite recall but was given the birth name Tortoise. Since that was an insult to my superiority complex and reputation as one of the earth’s oldest living species I simply called myself Adam. However most of the other chaps found Adam to be too primordial or so to speak - despite me liking it and the girls simply going oooh la la who is that shell of a hunk?!? – you see… Adam gets everyone’s attention in full audio and stereo span. But after years of segregation, separation and being victimized by human pollution and contamination I decided to break free from my habitat because of a vision I had under a new moniker that will resonate and reverberate on the walls of time forever and ever and ever. So…Yes… We have visions, dreams and nightmares. Though most of our nightmares consist duly of our cabbage being taken away. One vision changed my life (for better or worse is still not determined) because unlike the other chaps I chose to act swiftly. Why you wonder? Because the world needs saving. From who you wonder? Let me ask you. Do you have a mirror at home? Go look at it. Go on. Yes, right now. Don’t read the rest till you look at a fucking mirror ok?

Now that we are both clear on who the main enemy is…

I was sitting on a marshy ground beside a wonderful puddle of muddy water, it had just ceased raining which was a bummer and now droplets of water sprinkled down. I was chewing on basic leaves and vegetation, a part of me is herbivorous actually, I developed the carnivore part of me later on in life. But as of that moment of rain bathing when the vision came to me I was an omnivore. These are important facts. Like I always say you must understand the linear and non-linear patters of complex factual ecological systems in order to appreciate the acorn and the oak. The actual reason I was pretending to be rain bathing was that it was a place where the pussy liked to stroll past, and I sure felt lucky. But my luck turned a pale shade of grey when this blinding light appeared before me! Two humungous, angry yellow eyes stopped right before I even had time to back inside my fortification which YOU will kindly refer to as Fortress T for your own safety (Us tortoises are unpredictable creatures you see). So these big, ass lights flash before my eyes…it was emanating more than bright, blinding light… it released remarkable heat. Hey I wasn’t about to become roast Tortoise for anyone so I managed to get my arms, limbs and sexy head inside Fortress T. One of the great things people and animals (and sometimes insects) forget is that although we have the ability to put our heads and arms and limbs inside our fortifications in the speed of light we still have a fairly sophisticated tunnel vision view of what’s in front of us. So basically I could see what was in front. And what did I see? Holy fish from amphibian Mars. What was going on? It made a strange sound at me as if it wanted to communicate. It sounded like a trumpet but more deafening and finally I understood what it all meant. Our marshy land was going to be eviscerated and it was my task to save the marsh, and the world from… YOU!!! That’s right all of you HUMAN scum. Monkeys if you ask me. A few are admittedly intelligent monkeys and well a great many are pure baboons. I’ve heard all the stories, fables, lore, tales, goss and frankly I can’t see why YOUR species insists intentionally and unintentionally on destroying forests, the sky, the seas and rivers, the marshes, the lands and each other. I used to figure it was for sport. But somewhere down the line shit got serious and I mean serious with a capital S mofo’s. People weren’t just killing each other and destroying the world for money, status, gain, power and all the other HUMAN vices spawned and cycled for centuries… NO… It’s done just for FUN now and that’s even worse because that insults the rest of us. What are we tortoises at the foot of your fucking food chain? Fat chance you pansy love birds! I am the chosen one. That’s what I gathered anyway. So I figure that on my way I’ll find other species, friends, advocates and creatures I could use to my advantage to destroy HUMANITY. That’s right today’s food chain Heroes are gonna be tomorrows Zeros. And that’s what would have been if what happened didn’t happen to me. Lay luck that fucking silly goose must have had its head up its own ass that day I fucking swear people!!!

Ok… Here’s what happened… now listen up you mortal, human flesh sacks with solar powered wristwatches and fancy bloody hairstyles that makes you look like peacocks on fire, and your philosophical grandeur that does fuck all for me… YOU HEAR ME!?!!!! Do you? Huh? Forget ‘bout it.

Well here’s what happened… Albert the Valiant thus speaketh forth and you shall all read with envy in your eyes…

It was almost two months ago. Actually it was on the 31 of October 2008. So it was 1 month and 27 days ago that I was sabotaged by one of your kind. Except this chap was rather different. He smelled of alcohol, some other strange substance that I still haven’t been able to figure out, he had long curly hair, a cigarette in his mouth and he kept saying he wanted to fucking eat me!!! Me? How unsavory and completely uncouth if you ask me. How could he even think of eating me? The bloody barbarian. I call him barbarian.

So I was leaving the marshes and all my pussy behind making my way up the road when I stopped near a black gate that opened up to a parking space of some kind. There were Homosapiens all over the place, some were falling down while the others made weird sounds. This seemed perfect to launch my debut attack! But then many feet hurried around me and I rushed within my Fortress T. The barbarian lifted me up and examined me curiously for many moments. For a brief moment I thought I was going to be sexually harassed - I mean don’t humans have sex with horses, dogs and cats. I’ve heard some do it with trees. I suspected that most of YOUR kind did that. Well I wasn’t about to be rammed down without a fight… though there was nothing much I could do at that moment except strategize you see. So that’s what I did.

Leave me by the road and ignore me. That’s right. Enough poking already! What the hell? Stop spinning me on my shell – what you think this is Saturday Night Fever or something? I don’t disco alright? Period. Forget ‘bout it.

Instead the barbarian takes me through the parking space, up a flight of stairs that I couldn’t keep track off so I decided when we were near a big, white door (there was a load of noise like explosives going inside – it was a war zone!!!) to give out my first attack. I pissed. I squirted and got the barbarian off guard. But this Homosapien was a resilient one. He opened the big white door and took me inside. Everything else that night was pretty much a blur. There was a strange smoke all over and more people tried playing disco with me. I farted. Attack number two and the buggers merely flinched. Damn it! I needed to reserve my energy… I wasn’t intimidated one bit till two blasted animals; one white with three legs and another scruffy brown one decided to sniff and make a bizarre sound that could easily be mistaken for a mating call… they kept making that sound… I was to discover shortly after that these animals were called Dogs. One was called Poofy and the other Corn Flakes (who I determined immediately to be the dangerous one of the two.) I had to kill them both. But first, I would have to learn about their kind. Were they intuitive? Were they strategic and did they hunt in packs? Were they farters and squirters too? Were they tortoise eaters? What were their torture methods? What was their tactic to demoralize and finally deface me? It would take time. So after being paraded and some Human Female Monkeys screaming in shock (if I had a reserve I would have farted in their faces) when I was clearly the victim. Simple as.

So after being turned upside down and then when the investigation finished they spoke in hushed tones which had to be about what vegetables to use as a salad once they roasted me… They laid me in some narrow dark area. I noticed there were many strange Homosapiens; long hair, short hair, no hair, big ones, small ones, medium ones and as far as I could tell they all wanted to have tortoise stew. Except a handful of traitors from your kind (they were betraying YOU by helping me of course… the fools probably thought I would spare them in the final evisceration process) were actually vouching for me. One called me Albert. It’s Adam you bloody bugger. Albert. Albert. Finally while roaming that narrow passageway prison I decided to fart a bit more and leave fragments of my sophistication excretion on what they call ‘The Balcony’. I figured if I did it all over at least those Dog creatures will be poisoned to death. They kept observing me and making those terrible sounds. It wasn’t even musical. Just dissonant and disharmonic in a shrill ‘Ruffffff’, ‘Owwwuhuuu’, ‘Wrifffff’ and ‘Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’ sounds in different registers. Whatever said and done I must commend the two villainous creatures on their variation. Splendid stuff even for two dumb animals.

So I counted my days on The Balcony. And sometimes they even took me to a place called ‘Downstairs’ where I walked around on the grass and farted away merrily. I tried to scan my surroundings, I suppose they thought I would escape and kept watching over me. The traitors kept saying that people on the road would take me away to eat me. What’s with all these monkeys wanting to eat tortoise? I know we are a delicacy but still… Have a fucking heart?
Days and nights passed me by and I came up with a brilliant plan. I would appear to remain imprisoned and play to the tune of their pathetic illusion; I will eat what they give me, I will sleep where they expect me to sleep, I will pretend to roam around inquisitively and analyze the Rajagiriya Place thoroughly. If I plan and attack unexpectedly they might just presume it was my nature to go everywhere and leave my secretions all over like those damned Dog creatures do… They just do it Everywhere without fear. They get a thrashing sometimes but they still do it. Either they are very brave or they are indolent, unintelligent vermin. So for a few days I loitered in The Balcony. The traitors brought me food, it didn’t appear to be poisoned and it seemed soft and fluffy (they call it Bread) and at first I just stepped over it. I was a herbivore. I can’t be eating bread and then…

I ate a bit of it. It was divine. Good shit. Holy fish. I needed more of it.

There was no way after that, that I was going to starve, or pretend to hibernate because I needed my strength so I needed to eat. After awhile they brought me regular food on a small round saucer (another treacherous insult… they should make me a golden shrine and worship me!!!) and I had to eat this thing called ‘Rice’… sometimes it was ‘Fried Rice’… then there was often steamed vegetables and fish of all kinds. When it came to the food scenario I thought to myself and myself alone ‘Fuck the marshes, this is the best fucking food I’ve had in years. And it’s free!!!’

But duty calls and tortoise virtue cannot be sacrificed for mere gluttony. I had to get about my task and so I did like a silent, deadly thief in the night I started to investigate the entire Rajagiriya Place. And I discovered some interesting places. And I found out what that strange smoke was.

So now I had attained all the knowledge I evidently needed to possess, fundamentally regarding my self plight and the inherent requirement to conceive a unique plan, a rare strategy or so to speak that would accommodate the instinctive connoisseur of my very being; in short I had to cut the crap and make my shit stink just like my farts. It will no doubt take you mere mortal cockroaches awhile to grasp T.T.I.D (The Tortoise Idiom Dialect) but no matter I will impart knowledge just as I have obtained and gathered the forbidden fruits of wisdom.

Now, my initial plan is broken down to the following so we don’t find ourselves unnecessarily knotted up in perplexity:

Plan A: Escape the Premises and Successfully Return Back – Significant I might add because if I can get my shell out and back again without a glitch I could carry on with my plan in panache!

Plan B: Wander About Aimlessly Like A Dumb Tortoise But In Actuality… Observe My Surroundings – Integral because that way I would know how many rooms are there in this mammoth complex for chronic Homosapiens!

Plan C: In the Inconceivable Inevitability of Plan A and Plan B getting Fucked Which Is Resorting To Strange Domesticated Behavior Burrowed From Those Dog Creatures So I Earn The Humans Trust – With their trust I can crawl into their hearts and then finally seek to devour the very essence of their implied lives: their minds!!! (Though everyday I am beginning to become convinced that many Humans are royally brain-dead.)

And Plan D: Is To Improvise Along The Way. I Do Have Remarkable High Standards. For Instance I Refuse To Have Sex with Those Dog Creatures and I Won’t Go Disco For the Mortals Amusement!!!

Now all that there was left to do was to simply work out and analyze the aforementioned beings, study their behavior patterns, their mood swings, their impulsive tantrum attacks, their sexual escapades, their strategies and plans of defense and offense. And so my study of the pathetic creatures in this Rajagiriya Place had officially begun. But of course as fate would have it (Thooo Thooo Thhhhhooooo!!!) things didn’t go according to plan. In fact if it even was remotely close to the plan I’d be happy. No. Everything went from bad to worse to cataclysmic to absolutely confusing. And it happened almost 2 months ago. What I am about to show you is so hush, hush that even thinking about it is a unforeseeable predicament. This is from my Tortoise Diary.

Animal Analysis –

Enemy Number 1 – A) Homosapiens with Brains
Homosapiens without Brains
C) The Traitors
D) Barbarian

Enemy Number 2 – Dog Creatures That I’ve Code Named Bow Wows
Enemy Number 3 – A small and more fiercer Bow Wow
Enemy Number 4 – The Deadly Smoke That Makes Me Actually WANT To Disco On My Back

Enemy Number 5 – A Polecat named Dirty Harry That Seems To Want To Pounce On That Miserable Gilbert and Me But Is Petrified Of The Human Villains!!! Imagine That The Bloody Bugger Should Be Freaked Out Of His Furry Skinny Ass About MEEEEEEE!!!!

Enemy Number 6 – Bombers (The Ones In The Night Hang Upside Down Exposing Their Privates – Absurd If You Ask Me, exhibitionism to attract the ladies. Sad.)

Other Insignificant non deadly chaps: which centrally includes Gilbert Ramirez the Tortoise Traitor/Spy who I will seriously teach a thing or two about Tortoise mannerisms. He’s insignificant so I won’t waste space on him.

So at first I began loitering around their precious stronghold pretending to be dumb and most of the Braindead Homosapiens merely narrated some lame story while I went about my business. But the Barbarian proved more brutal than anticipated; wherever I was it seemed to find me and do that disco thing and kept putting me back on The Balcony. I have so far successfully discovered and farted (in order to preserve the territorial landmark scent of my being there) in what they call –

The Main Hall: A strange area encouraging all kinds of rambunctious activity. They listen to loud sounds that could shatter my shell backwards and inwards (only figuratively speaking) and make a lot of noise. Some of it sounds like they are constantly constipated, and that bizarre smoke is everywhere and so now I know that it is some kind of instrument, a weapon. Clever! Disguising it as smoke is admirable even for the skin sack morons they appear to be and in most cases… are. They sit around frequently in The Main Hall and laugh and talk, shout and scream. It’s like a bloody asylum if you ask me. I have discovered a big wooden thing where Books are stacked in… I go under it and it takes them hours to find me again. Triumph is mine!!!

Poison Godmachine: An area in the hall where this big ass square box thing just perches on some kind of a stand and images and sounds keep coming out of it. I call it the Poison Godmachine. As far as I can tell it’s hardly a threat. Except the stuff they show on it. What crap. Awww forget ‘bout it.

The Work Table: This is what they call it where they keep something called a Computer to do their Agency work. Sounds dodgy to me. They must activate the nuclear power plant using this Computer thing. In any case it’s too high for me to reach, but I’ve been comfortably and discreetly desecrating that area, that is till Barbarian spots me. Vengeance will be mine!!!

I have made special note that there are TWO ways to The Balcony from the Hall.
I have also noted that it is from this Main Hall they go everywhere else.

Big Dark Room: They keep me sometimes here and it’s fairly cool so it ain’t half bad. We do all the bad stuff in here, you know? It’s fartorama in there.

Big Room: wide space with large pictures of other Homosapiens looking very much the way this lot do, on the walls. These people are crazy.

Wet Place Where The Homosapiens Pass Their Excretions: A truly fascinating place. It’s always wet. Nice and cooling too mind. Except they do their number 1 and number 2 in some white pot of some kind. Wonder why?

Kitchen: They call it this because this is where they cook their food. There is also smoke in here. Sometimes different smoke but then I get constant whiff’s of the dangerous one as well. In any case I just climb on top of all kinds of things till one of the Traitors looms over me with smoke cascading and floating out of their ears, mouths and nostrils (looking rather absurd) saying ‘Albert! You need to go outside.’ And they rudely life me while I scatter into Fortress T and place me back in The Balcony. I am pretty fast myself and let’s get something straight right here and now, you listening to me or what eh? Us Tortoises are bloody swift creatures ok? That whole fucked up tale passed down by old homosapien grandma’s about us running with a fucking rabbit is a farce. It is! Simply because it’s a commonly known fact that rabbits can out-Hop us, it doesn’t mean fuck all in the turf, you hearing me? Those fluffy puff balls that have carrot tips for brains can never out-Smart us. So no Tortoise in the T fucking Kingdom would have ever agreed to have a race with a hip hopping rabbit in the first place. In any case I am a fast motherfucker and I know it. And You know it. It’s my legacy. Proceeds me. So I need to pick hiding spots and travel all the way back to find The Kitchen.

I am an honest Tortoise. I will not discredit the Homosapiens where praise is due and in this Kitchen place they make marvelous meals. The food is so damned good that… Ah. Sorry dear chaps and chappies.

Now the place where that I believe holds the key to the entire Fortresses core power source lies in a room that I haven’t had the opportunity to climb yet but is entered from The Kitchen. How clever is that. Seems like I am underestimating these fish testicle scum. They had style. A little bit. A mere stroke of it. So whenever I have managed to be in the kitchen around what I deem is sunset time, they get into that room and there is silence. Then some sound coming out. Then finally a bloody nuclear explosion sweeps past me, I feel like I am rising a very high wave and then plummeting into the very abyss of some abysmal and yet enticing place. I felt like I’d been smashed over and over again with… and this may seem strange to you but it’s the truth… over and over again with… SOUND. That’s it. Now how bloody effing brilliant is that people? They have created a sonic nuclear weapon where they look like they are exercising really, except they seem to actually make that SOUND. Things were worse than I suspected. The bad was deteriorating to worse and I had to stop it. So I planned and sent some extra lethalized fart bombs but the SOUND just crushed it all away. Everything around just becomes very, very still and it is the ONLY thing that keeps the Bow Wows quiet. The little beast tends to climb over, shaking that miserable butt and goes into the SOUND place… after awhile it rushes back so fast and jumps out that even I get shivers when I think of its awesome power. And it’s just SOUND. Articulated NOISE. Of course a great part of it sounds to me like giant rocks are falling from the sky but some of it I can learn to appreciate. Much to my embarrassment after being in the Kitchen while the mortals have been sucking out of a big green pipe and the deadly smoke is everywhere… something happens to me. It’s disastrous because if it’s too much the poison gas makes me want to do that disco thing. If it’s a mild one I just get stuck in odd positions all over the Kitchen and can’t seem to figure out how I got there. But the most humiliating thing is that when the mortals unleash the SOUND explosions I tend to bob my head back and forth as if the vibrations and frequencies are actually getting to me. Can you believe that shit? Forget ‘bout it.

Then the whole truth hits me like a biatch. The attack is simple… ones that won’t be questioned and can be delivered any time the Homosapiens choose. Incredible. Just SMOKE and SOUND. The two together takes you on a powerful trip… fuck it’s like I am in a paradise surrounded by beautiful Tortoises who flaunt their sexy shells at me and I am puffing on a Tortoise cigar and say ‘Hey Girls, how about leaving those shells and cumin’ all over me?’ and I see rainbows and giant mortal meals screaming ‘Albert! Albert! Albert!’ The point is I know I appear to sound like I actually don’t errrm mind all that… thing is I do. My destiny is to destroy their weapon of mass destruction. And all that stands in my way are the two Bow Wows who sometimes come near me and scream all kinds of things. It’s like a shrill actually. Fucking irritating. No effect. After that SOUND experience this was like a stroll in a pond. So I had to deal with the Two big Bow Wows and that small piece of shit that keeps jumping on me and trying to ride on me. If I had a longer uglier tail like the Bow Wows (and I have a fine, fine Tail I must add… the babes love it) I’d have whipped the eccentricity out of the little Bow Wows smug face. It’s shrill actually makes it sound like a bird. Maybe it’s part bird. Never know. I’ve seen the Bow Wows chase after birds. Must be a kink of some kind. Forget ‘bout it.

I will return with a full post on my attack shortly, for the moment remember when it rains or the sun shines and when crazy shit happens to ruin your day: your electricity gets cut ‘cos you couldn’t pay the bills, you’re overdue on rent, you’ve got relationship issues, you’re being fucked in the ass by someone you don’t want to be fucked in the ass by, your broke and sad, your miserable and your sex life is like old cabbage… always, always… always remember MY NAME.

ALBERT the VALIANT.

Vini Vidi Vici Baby!!!

Have a sensibly satisfying season people \m/

Comments

Silent Night Chaos Night

2008-12-08T06:53:41+01:00

"My deep, sincere respect to Dime Bag Darrel who passed away a few years ago... We remember him on this day..."

Ahhhh greetings you fine people of the blogging community. As Christmas bells toll in our hearts, the weather changes and we get incessantly horny AND we struggle with life’s endless screw-ups – I bring you tidings of errrr joy and Metal. That’s right. You didn’t read it wrong. November was full of rain, great occurrences, tragedies and truths all lashed, spat and shat out in the name of survival… And it’s already December 2008.

Where do I even begin? I am at home/work at the moment with 2 dogs (Pufius Maximus and the three legged Cornelia Flakes) and a pup (Alyssa Nakamichchi) AND 2 tortoises (Albert the Valiant and Gilbert). Life surrounded by 5 lovely animals (that basically seem to be having the time of their lives at our expense) isn’t so bad… unless Albert decides to stroll around the house serenading us with his deadly farts, Nakamichchi the pup deciding to utilize the entire premises as a toilet and Cornflakes eating from Pufius’s bowl and vice versa. All this makes for wonderful entertainment and me having to sweep and mop most of the floors every morning.

The good news is that Stigmata have completed ‘A Dead Rose Wails for Light’ our first single release from the up coming record due out later in 2009. Javin (from Tantrum) who is Stigmata’s amazing new bassist nailed all his bass parts in little over 45 minutes and Andrew completed his rhythm and his lead in about 2 hours total. It was lovely finding myself in that vocal booth once again after - what 2 and a half to three years – a long time and it was good to let those pipes soar and scorch the studio alight. All things considered despite the delay we encountered with our previous bass player (who took over 2 months and half completed four songs – a world record if you ask me), we wanted to do something invigorating… something that will stoke the fires inside all of us and help us pick up where we left off (or rather were compelled to slow down due to idiosyncratic nonsense). That something was to complete one of the songs – nail it to perfection and launch it as a single release this Christmas (free of course) to our fans as a gift of sorts from us to them at a concert themed Silent Night Chaos Night that we have organized for Sunday the 21st December at the hot new Club Underground. There’s a meltdown of the event on facebook with incredible artwork by our very own Tenny boo who has designed the EP cover for A Dead Rose as well.

Civilization One featuring Metal icon Chitty Somapala (Firewind, Avalon, Court Jester) and crew performed here in Colombo on the 29th of November to a full house. We met up with the Civilization One guys on the night they were scheduled to fly back, chatted, swapped band issues, drank local red rum neat and had us a great time with one of the most humble and down to earth bands we’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. They played a great gig; tight, a joy load of energy and the hooks stuck in you long hours after they played. We played them A Dead Rose Wails for Light and the guys took the single with them… they dug the track and the best part is we’ve played the track to a handful of select friends and fans who’ve had to scrape their jaws off the floor. Hey…cut us some slack… we put a hell of a lot of effort and bled ourselves dry to record this song. So the plan is to launch the track by giving out free singles with every ticket at the Christmas concert, and everyone else around the world can download it for free off our official myspace (www.myspace.com/stigmatasrilanka) after the 21st of December. Please listen to it, give a couple of listens and give us your honest feedback… we are expecting it.

Anyway the point is that we are doing this not merely as a labor of lust or love or whatever… but as a thank you to everyone who has strongly believed and stood by us even though 2008 has been a right royally fucked up year for Heavy and Extreme Metal in Sri Lanka. It’s important to us that people realize that irrespective of drama, crisis and chaos that Stigmata have never lost track or focus of our music or our musical integrity. That’s a valuable factor that we embody whole heartedly. The music should speak louder than an artiste’s image and the innovative process of a recording is sacrosanct and should not be derailed or be taken for granted. With no record label backing, no financial support from sponsors we’re pumping and self financing our third record and there might be a little truth to the rumor that the final mix of the album might be done in Germany… Though it is a rumor nevertheless 

Whatever goes down… This track like the album is independently produced… no fucking digital monkey ass tricks and gimmicks… just us playing our hearts and blackened souls out to capture that unique ‘live’ experience. Nothing is copied and pasted via pro-tools and all this ‘makes recording life easier’ crap people utilize these days. It’s a healthy mix of analog and digital therefore… We’ve stuck to our rig, taken time to work out the mics and their placement… looked at all the minor details as well as the ones on a grander scale… Been each other’s greatest critique and it’s all raw… what you hear is what’s played… no loops, no friggin’ cut and chop digital magic and just us doing absolutely anything and everything we want. We have nothing against people endorsing digital technology to capture their sound; providing that it doesn’t become an excuse to just fake through the tracks by making a jig saw and milking the organic and aesthetic value out of the songs. Mr.Shobi Perera has done a remarkable job engineering and producing these tracks… And I must say we’ve done a pretty diligent fucking job Co-producing it ourselves.

Enough blah-blah-blah… bloat-bloat-blah… You listen and you decide…

A Dead Rose Wails for Light will be unleashed on the 21st of December 2008… and be available for the universe for download… Think of it as an early Christmas gift >" class="middle" border="0">

PS: Albert is on his quest to take over the world (and you will all be briefed on his super strategic supremacy to assassinate the 3 dogs and use Gilbert as bait) and only fried rice can stop him!!! Await the wrath of the tortoise.

Comments

A Little Controversy Your Way Comes

2008-11-17T11:35:30+01:00

Hail, Horns and Horny Homosapiens,

As more controversy runneth over in the uncanny world of Stigmata, we felt it is our responsibility and your right to know what’s really going on at the moment. I will attempt with all my skill and literary devices to explain the circumstances, incidents, drama and add some truth to the fables that I am certain are in abundant circulation.

Stigmata and Vije Dhas have parted ways. Fact or fiction? Fact.

You see playing with a Band, performing, composing and being one body, mind and soul doesn’t happen overnight. Those of you who’ve played sports in College or in School would understand the kind of relentless commitment it takes, and though at the time it seemed almost ridiculous, the kind of dedication and involvement expected by our coaches makes sense now. We have to always be with the other team members; breathe the same air, bleed the same color, build chemistry between each other to the point of psychic proportions… why? Because in order to be one body, mind and soul we have to not just appear to possess a sense of unity, an unbreakable spirit and common intuition but actually know what it is to be one family. This isn’t a concept. This is reality. To be a team player you have to first lay all your cards out on the table and be willing to trust each other to the point where you share the darkest knowledge of each other but begin to appreciate the good, the bad and the monstrosities of each other.

The biggest, most successful corporations and business conglomerates understand the necessity of team work and building its brand equity around one uniformed image, credo and vision. And it is by developing these aspects that an organization can find motivation, combined effort and mutual perception to fight together, fuck together, eat, shit, bleed, swim, drown and survive together.

People watch us perform, they hear our music and many love it, some hate it…but no one out there can say that we don’t do what we do in style, without compromising our integrity and without passion. We all eat food and use tons of products on a daily basis, but we never really wonder how these brands are conceived, made and the processes involved in marketing and propagating it. A Band’s image is its great illusion. A Band’s music is the ticking pulse that should be what it is all about, but sadly it isn’t. The time, effort and daily pains we endure to do what we do isn’t really known or understood, but we’ve accepted it through all these years as part and parcel of the whole Rock ‘n Roll thing.

Stigmata rehearse everyday (except on some weekends when Jacky needs to spend time with his family and on rare tragic occasions), man…I go to sleep and wake up in the morning everyday with Stigmata slithering in and out of the deepest parts of my recess. Tenny, Andrew and I have been doing this since 1999/2000 and we’ve had many line-up changes and it’s never easy when someone who you’ve shared one vision and one blood with has a change in taste, direction or attitude. But we’ve been blessed to always have the pleasure of working with better and more dedicated musicians than we’ve ushered in the past. Take any of your favorite Bands, chances are that a great many of them have suffered line-up changes. It happens. Shit happens. And when it rains a shit storm you just have to make sure you have a rain coat and you wait till it ceases or simply move on. Stigmata are almost 10 years old now (despite being in our mid 20’s and maintaining all our charm and vigor) and we don’t wait for obstacles to vanish or storms to clear up. We go into the storm and crush all obstacles. If one isn’t willing to hurt feelings, thwart ideologies, provoke belief systems, shatter convention’s prosthetic face and make a few enemies…then you’re not fit or worthy of being a part of a vicious industry that never forgets and never forgives.

Vije Dhas joined Stigmata in a time when all hell had broken lose at the tail end of 2005. All the tracks for Silent Chaos Serpentine had been composed and out of all the guys we auditioned at the time Vije seemed to be the most promising. We knew Vije from the scene, ‘cos he was at gigs and from his stints with High Octane and Whirlwind. Things did not however go well, and there were rumors, bad blood and lots of confusion over his departure from Whirlwind, fundamentally because he did not inform Whirl officially with regard to his personal choice to leave the Band for what he perceived was a better opportunity. The guys of Whirlwind thought it adequate to raise publicity for themselves by creating their minion army of followers by poisoning their minds about Stigmata & Rock Company. The seeds sown by Danni Filth’s favorite baker and the God Father of Sri Lankan pastries to this day are reaped by a few ignorant miscreants and poseurs who are vehemently anti-Stigz and anti-Prog, anti-Thrash, anti-Technical Death because they believed the lies and fables spurting out of the cake grinder’s mouth.

So Vije joined in a time where after Hollow Dreams when Stigz had carved a solid name for itself (performing day in and out for over three years in shitty clubs/pubs around the island playing 50-60 songs a night), a lot of groundwork was already laid out and apart from mastering the tracks from Hollow Dreams he had to learn the new tunes (at the time) which would end up on SCS. There was no excuse to not be able to tackle this task because Jacky joined at the same time and worked his soul off. During the recording process of SCS we were to discover that Vije was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, a type of lymphatic cancer and he would need immediate treatment. His parents were prepared to send him to India for the treatment and Vije was prepared to record his bass parts and then leave. At the time his bass playing had much more room for work, but with the guidance of Shobi and Shaffi we were able to select the best sections he was able to record and we settled for the better takes for the final mix.

Vije left to Vellure (if that’s how it’s spelt), India for treatment and we did what we could to be there for him. Amri Adheeb who’s company Sound Vision handles large scale events in Sri Lanka wanted to organize a fund raiser for Vije and wanted our full on support, and so Stigmata, Paranoid Earthling, Sword of the Spirit, Bathiya & Santhush and many other talented artistes contributed to this event and a relatively sufficient sum was raised on Vije’s behalf. We minimized the concerts we played and organized the Silent Chaos Serpentine Launch so it didn’t clash with Vije’s treatment so he could come down for the CD release concert. The Launch was a success, but considering that he had to undergo more treatment we postponed events/gigs and finally decided that Stigmata should play whatever gigs we can; considering a new album was launched and that we were getting overseas gigs too. After consulting Vije and getting a green light from him we sought help from Javin (Tantrum) who was a solid bassist and a great performer (plus we always liked Tantrum’s sound & commitment to music) who agreed to help us out till Vije returned. Stigmata played the Rock Storm Festival in Maldives in 2006 and a string of concerts with Javin providing the bass backbone till Vije finished his treatment.

Vije returned from his treatment, with him and his family bearing good news that the chemo therapy was successful and that the cancer was receding. Back in the Band, Vije and Stigz worked hard to rebuild the chemistry and cohesion we shared as a unit and so we started playing as many gigs as possible. We rehearsed almost everyday, we attempted to hang out together as much as possible and we began working on new material.

Vije is not a songwriter or for some reason he didn’t contribute pieces of music, arrangements or ideas to the composition process like the others and we always pushed him to start composing parts and to even start playing bass solos live… but he declined. He always said he was working on his playing and wasn’t ready for a solo spot. So how it generally works in Stigz is that Tenny and Andrew would work out song structures and compliment each others parts, I’ll restructure some of it and give new ideas and put the vocal lines, phrasings and melodies with the lyrics and Jacky would add a new dimension to the drums. That’s pretty much how it’s been in the last 3 odd years. The entire Band kept advising, supporting and motivating Vije to go to Thilak Dias or Shobi Perera (renowned bass messiahs of Sri Lanka) who were willing to teach him. Andrew offered to teach him theory and always advised him to improve his playing techniques and Tenny is always the patient one who is the grand architect who weaves and shows part by part for the others to digest. Stigmata fans were beginning to question the Band’s credibility as to why 4 people were going berserk on stage and one member just stood in one place, frozen staring at his instrument. We addressed this issue for 3 years as well asking him to work on his stage show and presence, to move around, relax and have fun on stage but there was no improvement and all you have to do is just watch any Live footage of the Band’s of the last 3 years to confirm this fact.

We created an illusion for his benefit that it was his unique approach while Jacky, Tenny, Andy and I stir up Armageddon on stage and Vije was content being our pillar of strength. I can think of numerous occasions where we’ve asked Vije to hang out with the Band but he’d decline saying he has to practice or go home for some work. It isn’t fucking rocket science when people see 3 guys in Stigmata hanging out together in public with the absence of 1 or 2 members, they do the math and accept it just as it is. We’ve always believed as a Band that uniformity and unity is as important as musical evolution and progressing in the performance department. But that was seriously lacking for a long, long time. It was easy for fans, peers, industry personnel, haters, naysayers and cake bakers to start dissecting and deciphering that there was a Core of the Band and others who were a part of the Band. That’s what it looked like. We tried to change this without causing too much of a ripple within the Band because it was brought up that some members had other priorities in their lives and we had to respect that, and so we did. However that also meant that each member’s responsibility to push the envelope musically, personally and professionally was up to them.

We’ve really learnt through the years (especially from our own mistakes and haste) to adapt and adjust to the needs of every Band member, because if we give them their space and liberty then they would feel more at ease to give the music their 150%. Thing is 149% doesn’t work with Stigmata. All the guys who join the Band know this from the time they step in, to the time they leave or are asked to leave. It isn’t a fucking merry-go-round ride of Rock Stardom and popularity. You won’t end up on the fucking hi magazine and have radio playing your music frequently. It’s dog eat dog. Wolf eat wolf rather. But the pathetic truth is this. Stigmata is an opportunity to many, it’s not their lifeblood. Some like the money they think they can make, others have loved the bits of fame they’ve burrowed, some just need to get laid and others need it as a stepping stone to greener, more lucrative pastures.

If Stigmata’s music doesn’t run like lava in your veins and if you’re not willing to stand by the Band when things are bad and ugly then that person doesn’t belong with us. And 2008 is a fucked up year for most people around the world, with the world economic crisis and of course our own little trouble in good old Sri Lanka.

Yes, we might very well be the highest paid Metal Band in the country.

Yes, we are possibly one of the more experienced and professional Bands in the country.

Yes, we are all very obstinate, focused and pushy characters… WTF!?! This isn’t a boy band.

Yes, there is sex, there are drugs and there is enough Rock ‘n Roll in us to set all the detectors in an airport alert… but there’s more to it all isn’t there?

Yes, we should be proud, but never content because we haven’t achieved shit yet. There’s so much more to do, so many countries to play in, so many albums more to record and release, so many more women to dominate, gag, bind and blindfold and so much more to experience together. But that means an equal amount of dedication, hard work and drive which we won’t find without the passion to be either a Saint or a Martyr for Stigmata. So tell me then, how does one take a back seat and slow the progress of the Band?

We worked on 8 new songs for over 2 years, perfecting every nuance, sound and arrangement. Every note has its place. Every section has its purpose. The new songs are truly epic; flowing from super intense to deliciously tripped out. There are different moods, diverse feels and various dimensions to the new tracks which make them more challenging to perform than the stuff on Hollow Dreams and SCS combined. It isn’t just about technical prowess and dexterity, it’s about feeling what you’re playing and painting a picture every time you perform these pieces. It has to flow from within you know. That’s the beauty of it.

We entered Sonexco Studios to begin recording Album no.3 with Shobi Perera and ready to co-Produce it ourselves. The Band worked hard throughout April, when 2008 has been a trying and dark year for most industries, and likewise the music biz was suffering. There weren’t sponsors climbing out of the woodwork, no gigs because of sound regulations and newly imposed restriction laws, the trend was changing from hip hop to trance/electronica more for the drugs rather than the music and Bands started quarrelling with each other over accepting or denouncing new trends. With a notion to self finance our 3rd Record with no funds at all… the Band spoke earnestly with Shobi and decided to hit the studio to lay the drums down in the Wesak weekend and so in May 2008 we did just that. The entire Band practiced inconceivably for weeks and thanks to Tyronne Silva we were able to record on his custom RMV kit and Anatolian Cymbals with his mic set. Jacky nailed the drums in 3 days. Vije wasn’t fully confident with his parts for the album despite having rehearsed and performed many of these new songs (March of the Saints, Spiral Coma, A Dead Rose Wails for Light) countless times. So Tenny agreed to lay his rhythm tracks. It was done. The Drums and one Rhythm Guitar sounded fucking incredible. Now Vije had plenty of time before the recording began, after the recording commenced and throughout the entire time that Jacky and Tenny were laying their parts (roughly from May-July).

So saying he was prepared Vije entered the studio in August 2008 and found it difficult to record his parts in one consistent flow. There was no clarity in the recording; many notes weren’t clearly heard, runs were fluctuating and compromised and some parts even changed but it wasn’t as tight as it should be. We addressed the issue and he guaranteed that he was practicing. Of course the last few days before he had to record he stayed over and worked till late the wee hours of the morning with Tenny on his parts (which reminds me of how many of us study last minute for exams). We gave him more time and asked him for anything he needs from our end. We gave him support, we stood by him and kept pushing him to at least work harder on his parts now that his bass had to be finished. From August it kept dragging to the end of September and so far Vije had managed to just record 4 songs taking over two months, and much to Shobi’s and our chagrin and horror those 4 tracks were all over the place; inconsistent, messy and clearly there was a BIG problemo. Now you wonder why this is never spotted live. That’s because it’s always the vibrations and the low end of the Bass that you feel (more than hearing it) in a live setting, and with Jacky’s thunderous drumming and the guitar virtuosity of Tenny and Andrew it’s nicely and safely concealed. It’s true, you watch his fingers crawling about in swift motion but you never really hear note for note of what was played.

I mean he kept saying he was practicing but his actions didn’t compliment his words. Listening to the tracks Shobi finally told us that we would have to get Andrew or Tenny to record the bass parts because it simply wasn’t up to standard and didn’t sit well with the quality of what was recorded so far. Why should the Guitarists in the Band record the Bass parts when we had a Bassist in the Band? How was that going to materialize?

So we addressed this issue and told Vije that we have this problem and he has to work hard. All what happened was this. The bass recording for Spiral Coma was delayed and postponed week after week in September because Vije kept asking for more time. Finally it came down to a scenario where he would spend 4 or 5 hours in the studio (which was financed by Andrew, Tenny and I) and without any improvement. He seemed to give it his all, but then by the time of a recording no musician should struggle. You should be relaxed and in a confident frame of mind to deliver the goodies. The bass was recorded for 4 songs that needed to be re-recorded. Plus the next track Spiral Coma wasn’t likely to be pinned down anytime till 2009. We started asking Vije to rehearse at our practice hub in Rajagiriya so we could record the sessions and see the improvement. Finally it was indirectly suggested that we record the bass for one song each month and that’s just not done anywhere in the world. When you gotta record, you’ve gotta give it your all. Not to mention the time there was to be ready for it. Where’s the money coming from? What about the time we are losing? What about the Album being delayed? I mean Andrew has he’s rhythm parts, then Andrew and Tenny both have their leads to record, then my vocals, backing vocals, whatever additional instruments…then the mixing, remixing, the mastering… Stigmata was starting to get worried.

Not seeing any improvement we had to confront Vije Dhas and tell him to get his shit together and gear up in a week or two to record his parts without any fuss or complaint. We had Band meeting after Band meeting and finally in September we decided to record the new songs at home off a digital recorder and hear how things were. Spiral Coma wasn’t in a recordable standard nor were any of the other songs. He couldn’t play the 4 songs he had recoded so far either and finally Andrew asked him to play Forgiven, Forgotten from SCS to see how it was.

That was it basically.

Then we had a meeting and then after a lengthy heart to heart discussion Vije told us that he feels it was the best thing if he left because the recording was being delayed and the progression of the Band was marred. When we asked him how it had come to this and why, he then told us on that day that he had suffered nerve damage after the chemo therapy he had received for his cancer. This came as a shock to us all, because he returned and had been with us for over 2 years (after telling us that he was cured & the treatment was successful) we share even the scratches in our asses with each other and he decides to give us this info on that particular day of all days. So Jacky asks him why after being through so much together why he never mentioned this to us before the recording began, during the recording or at any of our Band meetings/discussions. He said he didn’t want to appear like he was making excuses. He said he’d suffered nerve damage and was finding it difficult to play our kind of music. We accepted that as a reason till all the rumors, back stabbing, family cult intervention and bullshit started to surface in the past few weeks.

Now let’s get a few things straightened out shall we:

After the ordeal of his Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, and us standing by him as best as we could there was no reason for him not to inform the Band about this new medical condition.

If he had informed us of this medical condition then we would have obviously stalled the recording process in its entirety till he was ready. Make note that we only hit the studios after getting a thumbs up from EVERYONE in the Band that they were ready to record.

His own Band was to find out about the nerve damage ironically only on the day he felt it was best to choose to part our separate ways, after the delay in recording and everything we had succumbed to up to that point.

He took nearly a month to send his official statement to the fans as to his decision to leave Stigz and why. It doesn’t really mention anything about the recording, him deciding to leave or that he informed us of the nerve damage only on that day. What it looks like is that Stigmata fired an indisposed individual without any support.

There was no reason for him to take and need so much time because Jackson and Tenny recorded their parts while tackling day jobs, family commitments and personal obligations. All this time Vije remained at home not furthering his musical knowledge, his education or working. In effect he therefore had more time than any one of us to master his instrument.

Stigmata are not in any way a part, involved or related to the mumbo jumbo, heal the world by brainwashing people by altering their perceptions crap secret society that is a network guised as an event management, talent recruiting agency and a supposed body promoting Rock music in Chennai and in Sri Lanka. We have no association or affiliation with this humanitarian venture of fanaticism and radicalism integrated as a sideline business with a sardonic approach to help errrm Rock ‘n Roll. We wish the cult/record label/event management/therapeutic cash cow enterprise/you are your own God circle well in conquering the world.

We don’t want things to get ugly. It shouldn’t be that way. But Stigmata has stood and faced adversity, tremendous hardship and gone through too much to just sit aside and let this become another Soul Skinner/Whirlwind episodic drama where stories will loop and then become exaggerated fiction. Mud will turn to blood and then friendships are questioned and ties are broken asunder.

Shobi has all the documented evidence of the dates and the studio times we’ve recorded. We have with us the audio recording of the final conversation on the night that Vije said it was best if he left the Band along with the demo recordings of his playing. Shobi has the original bass tracks if anyone feels they need further clarification. We will resort to this only if more stones are unnecessarily cast our way and accusations fly regarding this dilemma.

Javin has once again stepped into the Stigmata fold to help the Band, except this time he’s here to stay. Javin is Stigmata’s new bassist. He’s a great musician, a brilliant performer, he’s dedicated beyond comprehension and he will continue to front Tantrum but play with Stigmata as well. He helped us out in Maldives and for other gigs we played when Vije was getting treatment in India and the chemistry is just fantastic. He’s killing himself to learn all the new tracks and should begin recording sometime in November. Let me tell you right now to expect a heavier Stigmata with an ominous low end to peel your faces off.

I hate drama and choose to not endorse it unless I have to. But this is a necessary post. Ciao.

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Into the Darkened Light

2008-10-20T05:36:14+02:00

We are all born from the light within the darkness of the womb, and as we rise, live and fall we shall find our way back to that darkened light.

So much has happened this year that has ripped out pieces of me… so much continues to still happen and I have no doubt that the tragedies will continue to unfold. I mean that’s life right? It isn’t enough that circumstance drives a rusty nail into my wrists, it makes a thorough point to aim for the feet, heart, lungs and any other part it can.

Stigmata are going through line-up changes (yes, again) but unlike other times the core and soul of Stigmata have made these decisions to solidify the future and longevity that this Band aspires to fulfill. I mean look at the mighty Opeth; the only guy from the original line-up left in the Band is Michael Arketfelt and even he joined before ‘Orchid’ as a bassist, he wasn’t an original member. But he kept the name, kept his faith and after many line-up changes Opeth are an embodiment of his vision and an extension of his genius. Take Megadeth. The line-up today is killer, but without Marty Friedman, Nick Menza and Dave Ellefson (the line-up responsible for Rust in Peace & Countdown to Extinction among others). No one can say that Mustain has lost his touch or his chops.

My point is that every band has line-up changes, but the core of the Band, the beating pulse of the artistic machine will not submit to trends, change and turmoil. Every band goes through ups and downs and nothing delivers a greater, more ferocious snarl and punch than guys you’ve worked with for significant time periods either proving to be less committed, unrehearsed, negligent or caught up in a Rock Star mode which spells certain disaster for those who choose to flirt and take their success, credibility and skill for granted. The toll is always on the dedicated ones, the forlorn ones… The ones who’ve lasted in the scene long enough to be the people that everybody loves to hate.

“Live long enough to be the hero and you’ll ultimately become everybody’s villain’… the common curse of the entertainment biz. Well, no matter. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The music biz isn’t pretty. It doesn’t forgive and forget and it certainly makes no exceptions for those who are futile, weak, arrogant and lost in their own design and direction. Almost 10 years into this blood sport and we’ve seen countless bands talented and otherwise ebb and flow. Become overnight sensations, everyone’s favorite poster boys and then fade away into obsolescence. There’s no bad blood – at least I hope not – considering that the situation was inevitable and sometimes decisions have to be taken for the betterment of the greater good, necessary evils for a larger benefit. Perhaps many of you didn’t see this coming… we did… but then that’s the trick right? Magic straight out of the ancient text books. Never let the world see where your scars lie. That’s where the music becomes a voice, a deeper inner messenger seeking salvation and justice, victory and satisfaction. Money and fame has a very little place in Stigmata’s mind. That’s the truth whether one chooses to believe it or not. The fun part is pushing against the shove. 2008’s full of pretty, big shoves.

Insult loves injury just as much as misery loves company you see. Cornflakes; the injured doggy I blogged about sometime ago, with a fatal wound on its paw littered a few days ago. I sat with her, right next to her throughout the entire process, she gave birth to two beautiful puppies.

The first was a brown and black healthy girl with a white tip on its tail and the other was an adorable white and black sickly boy. The boy had a deformity of one hind leg, and at first was rejected by the mother through some twisted instinct or some dark foreboding; an understanding that it was not meant to be. So I sat with Cornflakes, through the blood, through the confusion and this being her first litter she tried to attack the first pup, but after some effort she accepted it as her own. Although animals are instinctively blessed to handle these things, Cornflakes is still young and somehow of all the bizarre things she does she started sucking on her own titties and drinking her own milk. So we keep placing the pups to her titties, and Oedipus was fed by us at one point, milk dripped through a folded paper tissue.

The female is named Alyssa and the boy was named Oedipus. The vet came over and inspected both pups and Cornflakes and said all three were healthy but only time will tell if Oedipus will survive.

Last morning (Sunday the 19th October) Oedipus died. By that time Cornflakes had grown attached to the boy as if understanding finally that he deserved a chance to live because he was a fighter. I took the little guy and immediately everything – and I do fucking mean EVERYTHING – hit me, every loss, the pain of every loss, lives stolen by the wretched thief time and I lost the plot. But as always I lost the plot within, because these are trying times, with Band line-up changes, in the middle of a recording, our new company successfully registered and the government gazette notifications published etc., and the music scene is burning. It burns because of politics, because of economic degradation, industry tycoons and senior musicians crippling the Heavy Metal industry with the final blows they could muster. But no one has to try hard enough when it is the Rock Bands themselves (the countless dispassionate mushrooms who seek glory, money and popularity) who are setting fire to their own Rome. And then there’s the personal issues, family being sick, survival becoming thick as dried blood on a murderer’s hands. And I must be strong, I will. It’s part of the big, fucking wheel… Some can afford to break down and flush out their emotional trauma, others who are less fortunate can’t afford that luxury. I can’t.

So here I was holding this little doggy in my hands, no life within it, no life within me… That brought back something primal and savage in me, a coldness that I had forgotten I was born with. A hostile, viciousness to protect ONLY my own, those I love and turn my back on everyone and everything else. The world was playing poker with my life, ungrateful, spineless hacks I’ve wasted my time and many years associating shed their true skin depicting uglier shades of realism and then there was that emptiness… that beautiful emptiness that makes monsters out of men.

I tell you, I’d rather be a monster than a pretentious, shallow, fake, misguided and lost flesh sack. People complain about their fucking hair, their cars, their houses, their legacies, their titles, their degrees, their achievements, their fucking addictions, their obsessions and their points of view on everything but themselves. People spend their lives trying to figure out how to achieve immortality by creating an impact large and relevant enough that they hope will help them be remembered forever. Hope there’s enough room in your coffins for you and your ego. You can’t take any of your materialistic things, your qualifications and your victories with you when you rot and decay in the name of death and decomposition.

I buried Oedipus, alone. I dug till my skin got raw and red, it should have bled for all that I care. With that white, little doggy a part of me was buried. A representation, an insignia of choice, of decisive conscience lost in the soil. That animal had a physical deformity, but I loved it. I didn’t even have time to see it grow and live yet I loved it. Fate and everything seems to be cruel to me this year.

Friends turning on friends, Judas’s and junkies, time servers and sycophants, opportunists and fundamentalists, plastic agnostics and bubblegum Satanists, hyper inflation versus moral deterioration… 2008 has to be the year of some kind of apocalypse.

I’ve buried dogs and animals before. It hasn’t been easy. But this triggered something dark in me. It won’t suck me in, that’s my choice. This is probably my worst blog entry period. But it’s from within… so it doesn’t matter. I know what I am and what I am not.

And what I am not is somebody else’s asshole. So tell me if time, fate, consequence, circumstance and life itself has turned against me then does it really matter at all what anyone else throws my way? Go ahead cast thy stones… And I’ll be glad to cast them back.

…we shall find our way back to that darkened light.

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